This story is published at Shout Your Abortion.

I found out I was pregnant a couple weeks ago — I knew internally but finally got the test, that is. I spent a week trying to figure out what was right for me.

I am a successful, 29-year-old woman and I’ve been dating a wonderful guy for a month.  I didn’t want to lose the future years of getting to know him and being young, successful, and childless together. 

I am a successful, 29-year-old woman and I’ve been dating a wonderful guy for a month.  I didn’t want to lose the future years of getting to know him and being young, successful, and childless together. 

If he wasn’t in the equation — if it had been someone else, I think this would have been a less difficult decision for me.

It felt like I was swimming through jello on my way to the appointment. Sitting in the waiting room to get my pill I still wasn’t sure of my decision. After my ultrasound and she said “twins”, I simultaneously was devastated and relieved to be getting the procedure.

I don’t know if I’m ready for a kid, but twins. It made the decision easier and more horrible all at the same time. I almost felt like I got off easy because the choice felt so obvious.

I know this was the right move for me, but it doesn’t mean I’m not sad I had to make it.