This story is published at Reddit.

I let myself be talked out of my abortion and out of putting my twins up for adoption. I will never forgive myself.

I was an 18 year old college student living on my own, having just escaped my abusive family. I fell pregnant and while I was trying to get information on having an abortion, members of a pro-life group sent me tons of messages saying they'd support me financially and emotionally if I went through with my pregnancy, saying they just wanted to be sure I had options.

I was extremely depressed and vulnerable and I was living in this haze, and they made me believe having a baby would fix everything. That my problem was that I hadn't fulfilled my life's purpose of becoming a mother, which reinforced a lot of my family's indoctrination I hadn't shaken yet.

They dropped their support as soon as I could no longer legally get an abortion, and I had to drop out of college to support myself and my twins.

We had rough patches where I thought we'd end up homeless, but I still clung to the hope it would be worth it. My life would be better because I was a mother.

My twins are 6 now. I'm no longer struggling to put food on the table or pay rent, but they didn't fix anything.

I think I snapped out of it when they were 2 years old and realized I ruined my life by having them.

The horrible thing is I resent them and I feel so emotionally disconnected from them. Sometimes I feel like I'm just their babysitter and I'm waiting for their mom to come pick them up.

The idea of 12 more years of this makes me sick.