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I had more time than most to come to the conclusion that was best for me.

To say that I put a lot of thought into this decision would be an understatement.

I wrestled back and forth with the idea I could make it work over the course of two weeks - since the day I found out I was pregnant with twins.

The father and I had a one night stand almost two months ago. We got very intoxicated and made an extremely irresponsible decision. One I barely remember.

What I DO remember is telling my friends that I never wanted to see him again after that night, due to the lack of respect and honesty he had shown me through several actions the following morning. And the dishonesty that led me to go out with him in the first place, since I was seeking a relationship and he clearly only wanted a hookup.

So you could imagine my shock and horror when I was two weeks late for my period the following month.

I had to search my phone messages for his number and called him in an absolute panic. He suggested we meet and discuss what we should do next.

It didn't take long for us to decide abortion was the best option, however, I still struggled to make this choice because I had an abortion 7 years ago when I was a freshman in college and now that I'm finishing grad school I truly believed there was SOME way I could make this one work. If I had a supportive partner.

But he made it very clear that he was not willing to be this person, despite his being 13 years my senior and his obvious role in this situation.

Still, I agreed to keep my word and follow through with the plan, until light spotting over a weekend warranted an ultrasound appointment the day before I was scheduled to begin the medical abortion.

This appointment shattered everything.

The ultrasound tech informed me that I was 7 weeks along (although this was off by 2 weeks because I know my exact day of conception) and asked a series of questions.

The only question I'd responded "yes" to was "Would you like to know if there are multiple fetuses?"

I sincerely regret this decision.

The answer was, "There are two."

I still met with the doctor the next day to get the prescriptions for my at-home medical procedure but knowing the rarity of my pregnancy led to me questioning my choice to follow through.

So, instead I argued, begged and cried over the course of the following two weeks. Trying to convince the father we could make it work. But his coldness and lack of understanding truly only added reassurance to the fact he would not help me through a pregnancy yet alone be a supportive father once the kidS were born.

And despite the love and support from friends, family and even an aid/reversal clinic (yes, I became pretty desperate) the realization that I would need additional in- home support was sinking in. Especially with two children and as a first time, just- graduating school, mom.

"As painful as it is for me to admit, maybe the fact their father was a terrible human helped to spare me from the selfless path I would have chosen otherwise:

- I would have sacrificed my ability to leave my home state and explore the world before I'm 30.

- I would given up my ability to successfully complete my final semester of grad school, which is the most demanding.

- I would have sacrificed my body at a young age and possibly have been met with physical complications that could lead to the death of me or one of the children themselves.

- I would have given up my autonomy, either forced to move in with my parents or left to care for two infants alone while their father (who moved to Nashville in the midst of all this) was allowed to flow freely through life and be a parent when he wants to be. If he even decided to participate in their upbringing at all.

This was the best choice for me.

This was the decision that I can live with - consciously knowing that I did everything in my power to create the best possible outcome.

My advice to others is to "let go of the belief that it could have been any different". And continue to live a meaningful life that you are proud of.

Your sacrifice was worth it.

& You are worthy of love and healing.

I hope my story helps others the way the brave women on this site have helped me.