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I already had 8 children and my youngest was 1 and had special needs.

I love being pregnant and having children and always wanted twins.

When I found out I was pregnant in 2019, something felt off and wrong and I was so very poorly (I never get poorly in pregnancy) so I arranged a termination.

At 6 weeks the clinic said they think there was 2 sacs but maybe 1 wasn't viable. This broke my heart and I figured something was wrong with the pregnancy.

I scheduled the termination and at 8 weeks+ I went back. They did another scan and they were both there. 2 little heartbeats, 2 beautiful babies.

I broke down and said I wasn't sure what to do as I had no support and my friends were all negative (possibility of twins means high risk. What if 1 didn't make it, etc etc).

My husband wanted more and he was supportive. I phoned my husband in tears and said there are 2 babies. He said can we keep them?

I went silent. I went upstairs and the ladies in the clinic said they wouldn't do it as I wasn't sure, but I wiped my tears and said no just do it otherwise I won't get this opportunity again. So they did.

As soon as it was over the regret kicked in and has been there ever since. 28/05/2019

I have had another 2 healthy pregnancies since and I am pregnant again but there is a gaping double void in my heart.

I believe for me that the Universe was telling me something would go wrong / something wasn't right. I've since had more children. The timing wasn't right back then and I do regret what I did and I have to love with a broken heart every single day, but it does get a little easier and only now 4 years on I can talk about it.

Sometimes your gut instinct isn't wrong and I swear by this as I've never considered termination before let alone gone through with it.