This story is published at Women on Web.

I had three abortions. Most people can understand one, but not three.

I grew up in a home with no love, no support, an emotional vacuum, resulting in no self esteem, and an obsessive need to be loved. At 14 I had a 17 yr. old boyfriend, who wanted sex and I went along. We were sexually active for 9 months without protection. It's a miracle I didn't get pregnant. He broke up with me and I was devastated.

That year my mother died and I was more lost than ever and became promiscuous. At 16 I became pregnant and had a miscarriage at 3 months. At 19 I had left home, was totally lost in life and became pregnant. There were not many support systems then, I had no money, felt panicked, and had an abortion.

That year I got into a 10 year relationship with an abusive man. When I got pregnant again, I was terrified of him, being tied to him forever, and the pregnancy, and had another abortion. I used birth control sporadically, but was depressed and didn't care enough about myself to take care of myself.

I was not cavalier about abortion, but I was so lost in life. I don't remember my 3rd abortion. I'm pretty sure it was with him again, but I've blocked it out.

At age 32 I got pregnant by my fiancé who never wanted kids. I had another miscarriage which was painful, but at least I didn't have to make that decision again. After each I felt great relief.

Now 40 years later, I am pro-choice and feel like I did the right thing at the time, but I never had children, and sometimes feel regret and guilt and wonder if God will forgive me. I really feel that in the position I was in that I had little or no choices at the time. I still feel responsibility, guilt, and sadness for what could have been.

I had my abortions at PP. I don't know about now, but back then there was no anesthesia, and it was very painful and upsetting. The staff were polite, but I don't remember a lot of personal support. Wish they had, at the very least, given Xanax. After the second one I got an infection, but they gave me antibiotics and I was ok. Would also have liked counseling before and after.

My situation was that I was completely lost in life, with depression and anxiety, and no support or financial means for the responsibility of another life.

It had just become legal when I had my first, which I was relieved about. I was aware of the contrast for me and others had it not been.

The first boy didn't know. The second man went along and didn't seem upset by it. I didn't tell anyone else at the time.

Now I don't share it much, but if I do, some others share that they've had one, but are over it and don't seem eager to talk about it in depth.

~Liz