This story is published at Reddit r/abortion.

I wanted to share my abortion story. I (19F) have had two abortions - one in September 2018 and another in March 2019. I feel so ashamed whenever I think about how I’ve had two abortions before I’m even 20, but I try to remind myself that there’s nothing to be ashamed of. I made the decision that was best for me. I don’t regret it. I guess all I really want is to put my story out there. Having an abortion is something a lot of people take to their grave, and even though this is anonymous, I think it will make me feel better knowing that, in a sense, I’m not carrying this secret around with me.

Both of my abortions were surgical. I knew early on and if I had the money to get them sooner, I probably would’ve been able to opt for a medical abortion. I’ve known since I was around 13 (probably younger tbh) that I didn’t want children. It’s something I’ve always felt strongly about, and it’s something I don’t plan on changing my mind about. When I met my husband (20) I was happy to find out he didn’t want children either. So when we realized I was pregnant, we knew what was going to happen.

I was around 17 weeks for my first abortion. From the moment I got pregnant, it was a difficult experience. I forget the name of what condition I had, but I wasn’t able to keep anything down. Food, water, nothing. I tried for days to eat light foods like jello, but as soon as I swallowed it was like it came right back up. It got so bad I started to just lay down outside the bathroom. I also couldn’t stand to sit up or stand without getting extremely dizzy and weak. It was around mid-August when I finally decided to go to the hospital. They said I was severely dehydrated and malnourished, and immediately put me on fluids. I was there for three days. It was the first time I’d ever had to be admitted to a hospital. By the time I left I felt completely fine. It was so strange having all these pregnancy related procedures and questions and information thrown at me when I knew I wasn’t going to keep it.

I had my abortion at Planned Parenthood. It was my only option considering my health insurance didn’t cover it. I think even it had, though, I still would’ve chosen PP. Everyone there was so kind and supportive. I’m so grateful for them.

My husband came with me. He was so supportive during this whole ordeal and I’m so glad I had him to lean on. That morning was so stressful. I woke up before the sun even came up and got ready (the clinic was an hour away.) It was relatively straight forward. They took my information, I waited for about ten minutes, and then they took me back to check my vitals and all that. Then they took me to a separate waiting room specifically for people having abortions. After a little while they took me back for an ultrasound. They asked if I wanted to see, and I said yes. I’m still not exactly sure why. I guess I just wanted to see. After that I went back to the waiting room. Eventually a nurse came back for me. They gave me meds to calm me down and to loosen/soften my cervix(?) Please forgive me if this information seems off. I really just kind of drifted through all this.

After they gave me the meds, I waited in another waiting room with recliners for them to start working. Afterwards they took me have the rods put in. For surgical abortions they have to put these in to stretch your cervix. This was by far the most painful part. I was so shaky. I just tried to concentrate on my breathing, but I will never forget that pain. After she was done putting them in I felt completely fine again. They took me back to the waiting room and after a while, they took me back for the abortion itself.

I don’t remember much. I know there were at least two people in the room - the doctor and a nurse who held my hand. I was fairly lucid throughout it and it didn’t hurt. I actually didn’t feel anything. It was over so quickly.

They took me back to the waiting room with recliners and gave me crackers, juice, and a blanket. I felt fine and I was honestly pretty tired. My husband took me home and I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

I had bleeding for however long they said I would. There wasn’t really any cramping and my period came when they said it might. I was pretty much back to my old self the next day.

My second abortion went almost exactly the same way, except my mother called me as soon as I was leaving the clinic. This time around, though, I wasn’t as lucid. I tried telling her I was just at the doctors office and they were telling me I had anemia (which I do.) She flew into a frenzy though and immediately asked if I was pregnant. I was so aggravated I just handed the phone to my husband and hoped he would be able to calm her down. He did, and I called her back the next day. She believed whatever my husband said and everything was fine. I also got a picture of the ultrasound they did this time. I still have it in one of my journals.

That’s pretty much the end of my story. I still think about my abortions from time to time. I don’t have any regrets. To this day my husband and I are the only ones who know and it will most likely stay that way. I guess I just want to let anyone who has had or will be having an abortion know that it’s okay. You’re doing what’s best for you. You will get through it. I understand. You’re valid. And you’re loved. And you have support right here if no where else.

Thanks for taking the time to read.