This story is published at Women on Web.

I had two abortions in one year in the Netherlands.

I feel many feelings —selfish, resolved, confused, ashamed, guilty, afraid, sad. I feel guilty, but also not guilty, because I was responsible and did everything to avoid it. But I feel also very stupid because it happened twice. It makes me confused.

I had the abortions in a clinic or hospital with surgery. It was painful for a few minutes, but the doctor and nurse were really respectful and caring.

My situation at the time was that I had financial issues, was getting my education, and my age was too young.

The problem is that I have a disease which will not allow me to take anything with hormones — no birth control pills or anything. I was always really responsible when having sex. Despite that I got pregnant twice. I'm a student, don't have a boyfriend, don't have my own place and don't have any money to take care of another person.

I had a few friends who I told about the situation. They are really supportive and they really understand that having a baby wasn't an option.

~Jo