This letter appears in the Shout You Abortion Zine titled SYA Zine Issue #1: Dear Doctor — honoring abortion providers.

I’ve had a abortion. Actually, I’ve had two.

One was an easy decision and one was not.

Though I wish it wasn’t a necessity for me, I am lucky to have had such an understanding, tolerant, and patient organization close at hand. Many women aren’t so lucky.

I am extraordinarily grateful for the support of the nurses who helped me through those times. I am grateful to the Emma Goldman Clinic, Planned Parenthood, and any other organization that can help others like me.

I was so scared. But they didn’t judge me. Or push me. They helped me weigh my own options, and held my hand when I came to an informed conclusion on my own. They took care of me, went at my pace, let me cry or smile. The comfort I felt in the hands of those very capable providers has marked me forever.

They have made my future, my family, possible. My husband and my two beautiful children will know of the fear I felt in those times, and the love I felt in response to it, no matter the potential dangers the doctors, nurses, and staff faced to provide m and anyone else like me, that love.

Thank heavens for them.

~Rachel Howell