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I am writing this story so that others can learn something from me. I was pro and con on this story for a while but now I feel like I must write it. I originally wanted to go into great detail about everything but now I only want to write about the parts that matter.

I found myself pregnant right out of high school. It was the summer of 2015, I was 17 at the time but on the edge of 18.

I did my best on hiding it and acting like I wasn't really pregnant, but that only lasted so long. I did not tell my mom because I knew she would want me to keep the baby.

I ended up talking with the mother of one of my best friends, her name is Raqual, and I knew she was pro-choice because of an off comment that she made during a family/friends get together. I texted her and told her I needed some help, and an hour later we were talking one on one and she asked if I was pregnant, and I cried and said yes.

Raqual wasn't pushy, and she asked if I wanted to keep it, and I said no. If it wasn't for Raquel I probably would have had the baby, and I am thankful I had the help and emotional support on choosing abortion.

The abortion was August 28, 2015, just three days after my 18th birthday. It was a surgical at Planned Parenthood in Salem, Oregon. I had general anesthesia, so all I remember was counting down from 10 and then a moment later I was resting in a chair in a different room.

Fast forward to spring of 2018, 20 years old, and I was pregnant again. I cried uncontrollably for a few hours, mad at myself for allowing my body to get pregnant again.

I could not have a second abortion, this is what I told myself, and I told myself this because one abortion was one too many and it would be wrong on doing it again.

I felt like I should have known better on getting pregnant again, and this pregnancy was a consequence for allowing it to happen, and I felt trapped in knowing that this baby was going to happen. This was my mindset at the time, and this was what I believed during my second pregnancy.

I decided to tell my mom that I was pregnant knowing that my mom would want me to keep the baby and not give me any option, and sure enough I was correct. My mom was ecstatic with happiness, and she loved the fact of becoming a grandmother.

At 13 weeks pregnant I really thought about abortion, I felt like I couldn't handle this and I wanted to live my life. I thought maybe I could somehow fake a story of a miscarriage and get an abortion, but I knew that my mom would be heartbroken and that my friends and family would be heartbroken as well, and I just didn't want to live that lie.

I gave birth to my daughter on January 15, 2019. And PLEASE understand that I LOVE EVERYTHING about her and I am grateful that I had her, but I have always had this small part of me know that I could have had an abortion as well.

And now fast forward to October 2020, and I found myself pregnant again.

My daughter is 21 months. I’m just learning on how to be a mother and get my life back on track, and here I was pregnant again.

I didn't cry this time and I wasn't angry with myself, but I again felt trapped. I am 23, I am a mother, and I know what being pregnant is like and what a pregnancy is, and I know that abortion is not an option. No way could I have an abortion now that I have given birth to a beautiful girl.

Somehow I started looking online for something, not sure what that something was, but I found a website called all-options.org and after looking through that I found a link to 2plusabortions.com. I read every story on here, and I felt this HUGE RELIEF that some woman do have more than one abortion, and not just that but women who have children also have abortions.

I knew in my heart that this was something that women do, but reading these stories made me realize that I wasn't alone and that I could have an abortion.

I called Planned Parenthood thinking that I could get a surgical that Friday or Saturday but I found out that the nearest Planned Parenthood that did surgical was 165 miles from here. Another problem that came up was that they couldn't get me in for an appointment for 2 weeks!

I called a clinic in Redding, California, this one 150 miles away but they also couldn't see me for 2 weeks.

At the time of all of this I believed that I was just under 8 weeks pregnant, and I didn't want to wait another 2 weeks because I could not see myself having an abortion at the 9 or 10 week mark. I have pictures of my daughter's ultrasound when I was 9 weeks, and for me it just didn't feel right to have an abortion at 9 weeks because I knew what a 9 week pregnancy looked like.

I made one more phone call to a place called FPA Womens Health in Sacramento, and they could see me for a surgical that Tuesday, just 3 days away. Tuesday is actually my Saturday, so it would work out for me.

The only big thing is that I had to travel 300 miles to get this done. What I ended up doing was having my mom take care of her granddaughter and I told my mom that I was going to the coast for a couple days with some friends, but I was actually taking a 300 mile journey to Sacramento.

The problem with a nearly 5-hour drive is that I had tons of second thoughts!

I checked in at the hotel the night before my appointment and I really started asking myself if abortion was a good option. I was thinking that having a second child wouldn't be that bad, or giving my mom another grandchild wouldn't be that bad either, or giving my daughter her first sibling wouldn't be that bad either, these were all things that were constantly running through my head.

I called the all-options.com hotline and I talked with this wonderful lady about everything that was rushing through my head, and not just that but why I was wanting to do this and why this was a good option for me.

In the end the one question that I was asked was, "What do you want?" It's strange on how I was thinking about everybody else including this unborn baby, but not one time did I think about ME. This was MY CHOICE, it's all about what I want and nothing else should matter.

I had my second abortion on October 27th, just 22 days ago. Part of me doesn't want to write this down but I want to say that this was a hard decision for me, and I wasn't 100% comfortable with any of this, but I also wasn't 100% comfortable on having a second child either.

I started crying when I entered the procedure room, and I started crying even more when I got on the exam table, but the nurse and the doctor were both extremely nice and gentle and gave me a few minutes to breathe and relax. The doctor even calmly asked me if I was ready to start the procedure, and her kindness and her gentleness gave me the confidence on saying yes.

I was awake for the abortion, mostly because I didn't have a ride back to the hotel. I'll say that the abortion wasn't all that bad, I think it started at 4:05pm and it ended around 4:20pm. Some discomfort, a couple sharp pains, and a couple times where I did have a pulling sensation, but I managed it. Again I had a wonderful nurse and a wonderful doctor, and I hope that every woman who has an abortion will be as lucky as me.

It took me a couple week before I convinced myself that this abortion was a good choice. And during those couple weeks I would look at every woman I passed and wonder if she had an abortion, and I would see a few pregnant women and wonder why she chose on giving birth instead.

One amazing thing out of all of this is that I feel more confident and more empowered! I did this on my own, and I am proud of myself for going through with it knowing that it was the right choice. I also have a stronger bond with my daughter, and I find myself just loving her and wanting to be with her and watching her more than ever.

I primarily wrote this for other mothers who may be thinking about abortion. I am 23 years old, I have been pregnant three times now, and I have had two abortions.

What I now understand is that my daughter could have been my second abortion, but I chose to give her life, but that doesn't mean that abortion would have been a bad choice.

For this third pregnancy I chose abortion, even after going through a full pregnancy and giving birth, but having a child doesn't mean that I should give this pregnancy the same outcome. Pregnancy is just a fertilized egg, it is my body and I should have a choice on whether I should allow my body on having that potential baby or not.

I still have 15 years of getting pregnant again, and one day I will have a second child, but only when I am ready. And if I need another abortion I should just be able to make that decision without the world telling me that it's the wrong choice.

One other thing I learned out of this is that I want my daughter to be open with me about her choices and decisions in her life. One day she will be a teenager, and I want to be a mother that can talk with my daughter about sex and birth control and abortion and I want her to not hesitate on asking me for help if she needs it. This second abortion has made me look at my daughter in an entirely different way, and I know that I am going to have a stronger bond because of it.

The last thing I want to say is that I am thinking about going to college and becoming a nurse and working at an abortion clinic. I have been through it twice and I am happy with my choices and now I want to help other women with their choices as well.

Abortion is simply birth control, and I now have this part of me that wants to be in that room and show kindness and love when a woman makes the choice on abortion. Maybe i'll change my mind, but as of right now I feel like it would be a good career option for me.

The stories on this board gave me the confidence that having a second abortion was okay, and I hope that my story gave you the confidence on your choice as well.

~Heather