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I had 5 abortions before I turned 19 years old. I had two with one guy who was my boyfriend who was only a couple of years older than me, then the next three with my next boyfriend, who was 4 years older than me.

The first time I got pregnant I had just turned 15. The baby's father and I were both unemployed and I had dropped out of school for that year. He was only a couple of years older than me so we decided to terminate.

I had initially told a friend, then my doctor, who told me to tell me parents. My mum had left when I was 12 so I didn't have any older female guidance at all.

My boyfriend at the time came with me and my dad, and it was very scary but I didn't think twice because I was so young and I wanted to go back to school and have a career.

The second time with the same guy was only a few months later. This time I didn't tell my dad straight away, but me and my then boyfriend went to a different clinic than the first.

I had tried to go on the pill, but I wasn't very good at remembering to take them and I don't think I was really well educated about contraception, and we didn't want to pay for condoms, I think.

My boyfriend and I were both on drugs so we were both pretty screwed up at that time as well. After we broke up unfortunately for him, he continued drugs quite heavily, got quite sick mentally, and had a brain tumor. He passed away when he was about 30 years old, very sad. I’m pretty sure he never told his parents about the abortions.

I remember my dad saying to me as well that they were Catholics (ex boyfriend’s parents) so it would be best not to tell them. (We are Catholics, too, but not strict, although I’m pretty sure my dad feels sadness/guilt and anger about them.)

The next three were with my next boyfriend. He was very controlling and didn't like me spending time with other people and even my own family. He was a very giving boyfriend and I spent a lot of time with him and his family at their house during our relationship..

I know now he is in jail for quite a while now, for trying to import drugs, and I’m pretty sure the abortions affected him too.

We were together for 4 years from when I was 16 to 20. He paid for all the procedures and we never told anyone else or my family or his.

I have trouble remembering, but the first one with him was when I was I think 16, and the last one was before I turned 19.

They were all different clinics, and I ended up getting an Implanon (rod in arm contraceptive) after the last one, which I should have gotten earlier.

I was on the pill, but again had difficulty remembering to take them. Then sometimes he would pay for the morning after pill.

After we broke up I continued going to school to earn my accounting degree and I went on to graduate and work for a couple of years in accounting.

I am 32 now and I have 3 kids — twins age 6 and a son age 2 with the same dad, who is a different guy from those I had the abortions with. Unfortunately, he is involved in drugs and crime, a pattern I am trying to break now when choosing a partner.

I have been on my own now for three and a half years and have been doing my post grad studies for a couple of years now.

I am not sleeping with anyone as I have no contraception in place and will not sleep with anyone until I get another Implanon or a good contraceptive.

I’m trying to focus on my healing and although I don’t regret the abortions, I do regret not getting the implanon earlier.

I hope to teach my daughter, who is almost 7, about sex education and contraceptives in a few years and how easily it can happen getting pregnant when you’re sexually active. It only takes one time.

I can remember the first two abortions quite vividly, but the next three I have tried to block out of my mind and I get a bit mixed up with the dates and locations where I got them.

I honestly thought I would take it all to the grave, but each person is different and there needs to be a place for people to share their stories.

I realize now that I am not alone, and I’m not a bad person, and I don’t need to let the decisions I made haunt me forever.

Thank you for letting me share my story. I hope it helps someone.