This story is published at Women on Web.

I had two abortions by the time I was 23 and a third when I was 29. All pregnancies were with my husband, who supported my decisions.

I am the controller of my life and not a pawn in a political debate. I am an educated, independent female who knows that she currently does not want to have kids or at least put her career/ambitions on hold because she was born female.

My job (that I love) does not afford me the luxury of being able to work and be pregnant due to the physical nature. I would choose my job over having children any day of the week and twice on Sunday, but I am thought to be a monster because I do not believe that children are miracles.

It is evident that any crack whore can get pregnant (some miracle) but a true miracle is having a child you want and not being forced to have a child that you want to abandon. I think a true monster is someone who has a child and abandons it, leaving the child to feel damaged and discarded.

I believe the current US regulations on "legal abortion" are an unnecessary burden to women based on price, time and loss of dignity. I feel that the government has more control over my body than I do. I truly grieve for the millions of women in other countries that do not have 1/100th of the freedoms that I have.

I was sure and confident about all of my decisions but my encounters with the abortion clinics made me feel trapped which led to anger and disappointment with abortion providers, government programs/regulations and dependent females in general.

After my procedures, I felt peaceful, relieved and resolved but I have a large distrust for "children are miracles" people and a large resentment towards babies/fetuses (I see them as parasites with more rights than myself).

The legal abortions were a lot of hoops to jump through and general mistrust for anyone in the "Planned Parenthood" or pregnancy counseling industry. I chose Planned Parenthood because they were the cheapest at $500 each (yeah it is so easy to get an abortion...no burdens at all).

When I found out I was pregnant for the first time (in college) I was given a sheet of paper with a round dot and told to go see the counselor. The counselor told me that I was pregnant and then proceeded to ask me if I was going to keep the baby or give it up for adoption.

I told her that I would take door number three and have an abortion. She got really upset with me and said that they did not do that sort of thing there. I told her that I would take my business elsewhere and that her beliefs should be saved for church and not inflicted on her patients.

I later went to PP and had the aspiration procedure but not before the “prolife” people had their kids tell me "don't abort me ....I love you" and the nurse told me (during the sonogram) "what a beautiful baby".

My second go, I want something more humane so I decided to ask about the RU486. The PP in county where I lived did not provide RU486, I would have to go to the next county over. The next county PP told me that I was not eligible because I did not live near enough to them in case of emergency. I told them that I lived next door to the hospital and would go to the ER if there were complications...not good enough for them.

Here we go again second parade in front of the “prolifers” (don't these people have jobs?) to PP. During my "counseling", I informed PP of what their sister facility said about RU486 and they told me that whomever I spoke to misinformed me. I then had to write a formal complaint about the woman that gave me the misinformation.

It is like PP is infiltrated with “prolifers” or people that want to take advantage of you in your most vulnerable time. I told my husband that I felt like a caged animal with no control over my body and he agreed.

On my third, I tried to go legal but I live in a state in the grasp of “prolifers” where the cost, time requirements, few locations and rude receptionists made drinking antifreeze tempting. I also decided on abortion because of the prescription medication I take being harmful to fetuses otherwise I would have kept the baby.

I decided to order RU486 online and do it by myself. I told my husband that if I died due to complications from the medicine that at least I had control over my body and it would be a more humane ending than going to an abortion clinic.

My first two were because I wanted to finish college and I could not afford nor handle the stress of pregnancy and engineering classes much less provide or care for the child afterwards. My third was due to prescription medications I had been taking and I had just started a new job. It kinda looks irresponsible to take a physical job with a hefty signing bonus and then get pregnant and not be able to do said job due to "condition"...I think that would have set women in my industry back a decade or two..

My first two were legal (in a clinic) and my third was illegal (at home).

Most people were understanding, but there are some people that you just cannot tell.

~ H