This story is published at Women on Web.

I have had 4 abortions. I have been made to feel so irresponsible by doctors and some of the people I have told. They act like it has been a failure on my account for getting pregnant and that it is a big deal.

I feel guilty for my partner getting upset and feeling like it is his fault.

I feel afraid that there could be complications and I could die.

I have felt like I have deserved to have bad things happen to me due to the abortion because I shouldn't have fallen pregnant.

After the third abortion it took me a year and a half to have an orgasm again because I was so afraid of falling pregnant I couldn't enjoy sex with my husband. I have felt angry at my body for betraying me and falling pregnant against my will.

I have, at the end of the day, been so relieved that it is all over. I have never had second thoughts.

The first three abortions were surgical. I found the surgery the hardest part. Each time they said, "Now you will go to sleep and then we will spread your legs. . . " They are the only words I heard each time. After that the panic would set in and I would feel completely violated.

I hated the idea that they were going to do things to my body and I wouldn't get to monitor them and make sure they didn't disrespect my body. I hated it and found it the hardest part. Harder than finding out I was pregnant and harder than any decision making process.

This time I am having a medical abortion. I took the first pill and I now only have to wait 24-72 hours to take the next. My doctor tried to discourage me because it would mean more hospital visits for check ups than a surgical method but I am happy this is what I am doing. I don't feel violated.

I don’t want to have a child. I don't think I am doing the wrong thing by having an abortion. I don't feel like I am killing anything, even though some people will disagree and I don't struggle with my decision or mourn any child.

I terminated all pregnancies within 8 weeks, 3 of them by 5 weeks. I am married and have been in a relationship for 6 years.

I have a problem that causes my body to not be able to tolerate the contraceptive pill. When on the pill I get Urinary Tract Infections every month that have led to bladder infections and painful bleeding when I urinate so I have had to stop it. I never want children. I want to get my tubes tied (tubal ligation) but doctors refuse to do this because they believe I will change my mind when I am older.

They have in the past not been willing to allow me to use a IUD so I have had to rely on the Billings method (similar to the rhythm method) and using an ovulation test kit.

Now my doctor is willing to let me get an IUD. I am glad because I don't want to get pregnant ever again and I don't want to have to deal with another abortion.

I hate the feeling of my body being out of my control or taken over by something I don't want.

Now my doctor is willing to let me get an IUD. I am glad because I don't want to get pregnant ever again and I don't want to have to deal with another abortion.

I hate the feeling of my body being out of my control or taken over by something I don't want.

There are restrictions on abortion. You have to prove there is a medical, physical, psychological, social or financial reason for your abortion in most states. It is not just upon request. You also have to attend counseling.

I know that is a lot easier than a lot of countries have it, but you do have to justify yourself and you are treated as irresponsible. There is also an expectation that you will find it difficult to abort "a baby". The view of your experience is very narrow and doesn't take into account that you might not feel that way.

I feel incredibly lucky to have abortion in my country though. I am sure that my experience is amazingly easier and less full of anxiety than it is for women in other nations. I didn't have to deal with uncertainty about being able to procure an abortion, I just had to deal with the actual abortion itself.

I knew there was going to be an end to what was happening to my body and mind as soon as I discovered I was pregnant. It was a matter of dealing with it until it was over.

The reaction of doctors has varied depending on the clinic. The first time I had an abortion I was dealing with depression and I had been medicated for years. The doctors treated me like I didn't have the ability to make a decision for myself.

When I told the second doctor that I didn't feel capable of being a parent she offered me counseling and support services, like I might change my mind if someone helped me deal with my fear.

The third doctor made me feel like I needed to justify why I wanted it done. That I couldn't just make a decision, I had to explain why and prove that I had a good enough reason.

The fourth was absolutely alarmed at my history and wanted to make sure I had to find an effective method of birth control before I deserved an abortion. She made me feel bad about myself and like I was a horrible person.

I had nightmares about it for the last 3 weeks. She referred me to another doctor who just accepted it as fact that is what I was going to do. It was the easiest reaction to my request and I now feel better.

~ Mishell