This story is published at Women on Web. This version is slightly edited and has been translated into English via Google Translate. The Portuguese version is below.

At 18 years old I had my first experience with my boyfriend. As an adolescent, I always thought I would not get pregnant, that I would never catch communicable diseases. We used a condom. After about 8 months of this, I discovered that I was pregnant. 

I wanted to disappear, to die. I thought about my mother. My father was so strict. My studies were always serious, and pregnancy was fatal to my life at that time.

I told my boyfriend. He said he would take on me and the baby, but I didn't want to !!! It was the end for me! Then I told him I wanted to take it out. I was already three months along. 

We bought a bottle that is sold at fairs. It was horrible. I didn't even know that medical abortion existed, so I kept hiding the pregnancy. Just me and my boyfriend and his family knew. I was afraid to face mine. There must be no way. At 7 months, the bomb went off here at home. I had to leave. My father threw me out. It was horrible, like how a dog is thrown out.

I felt the worst of the worst daughters in the world. Crying, my boyfriend came and took me to his parents' house. I was treated well. In December, my daughter was born full of health. I was very happy in spite of everything. In time my family accepted me back. Today, I have been a mother for 6 years. 

But when my daughter was 2 years old, I got pregnant again. I told my mother right away. Later that night she introduced me to the abortion pills. I was two weeks late. My mother helped me. It was about midnight. In the morning I started bleeding hard. I had never bled like that, a bright red. I spent the day like that.

So everything went back to normal. I felt a great relief, because my daughter was only two years old at the time.

A few years passed and in 2016 I faced this situation again with my current boyfriend. I had changed the contraceptive and the other one was not working yet, I think.

For me it was the same feeling of four years ago. I totally freaked out. My God — my college, my plans, my financial situation in this crisis. I didn't waste time. I went to do a transvaginal ultrasound and face the doctor. The doctor says, ‘Congratulations, mama.’ 

For a moment I think I died on that stretcher!!! I saw the heart beat. I felt an emotion, so great. But soon I came back to reality. I bought the medicine where my mom bought it the other time. I bought 4. I took two and put two and nothing?

Without understanding I called my friend who had been through this situation. She told me to buy eight. I went back there again. The guy said he didn’t guarantee. I decided to buy it, with the help of my boyfriend who was on my side and desperate. 

I took it five times in short periods. In the morning I returned home. I was already feeling strong pains, very strong. I was relieved but no blood yet. Then around 9:30 in the morning I got dizzy. I started bleeding, a river ran down my legs, passing the tampon!

I felt a relief and sadness at the same time. I bled that day so hard. Even though I felt the embryo, I tried to look but I didn’t see anything. At that moment I asked God for forgiveness alone in the bathroom.

I had a deep sense of guilt, but I did what was right.  I'm kind of traumatized in relation to sex.

I want to thank Women on Web. I read words of comfort, how to use the remedy from the girls' testimony here, and I felt human even though abortion is illegal here and it makes you feel worse than a criminal. THANK YOU !!!

~Marcella 

Portuguese:

Aos 18 anos tive minha primeira experiência com meu namorado,Como tdo adolescente eu sempre achava que nao ia engravida,que nunca ia pega doenças transmissiveis,usavamos camisinha qdo queriamos resultado depois de uns 8 meses mais menos dessa vida loka ..Descubrir que tava gravida fiquei arrazada,queria sumi,morrer,pensei na minha mãe,meu paii tão rigoroso,meus estudos sempre fui estudiosa e isso era fatal pra minha vida naquele momento,contei pro meu namorado ele disse que assumiria eu e o bb,mas eu nao queria!!! Era o fim pra mim !!!ai eu disse ele que queria tirar ja tava com tres meses compramos uma garrafada essas que vende em feirinhas de folhas é Horrivel não consegui botei tdu pra foraa, eu inesperiente nem sabia que existia cytotec,então fuii escondendoo essa gravidez d todos apenas eu e o meu namorado e a familia dele sabia,tava com medo de enfrentar a minha...ai nao deve jeito aos 7 meses a bomba estourou aqui em casa tive que ir embora meu pai me expulsou foi Horrivel como se expulsa um cachorro me senti a pior das piores filhas do mundo chorando meu namorado veio me pegou me levou pra casa dos pais dele fui bem tratada bem recebida continuei os outros exames d rotina aiii em dezembroo minha filha nasceu cheia de saude,tava muito feliz apesar de tdu,com o tempo eles me aceitaram d volta hje minha primcesa tem 6 aninhos ....Mas tarde engravidei d novo como nao sei tava fazendo tdu direitinhu!!! Contei logo pra minha mae, que mais tarde a noite me apresentou ao cytotec tava atrasada duas semanas ela compro dois tomei 1 e outro minha mae me ajudou a colocar pra garantir que ia coloca bem fundo ,isso era umas meia noite,pela manha começei a sangrar forte nunca tinha sangrado desse jeito um vermelho bem vivo passei o dia tdo assim depois foi normalizando fiz uma trans deu tdu normal senti um grande alivio pois minha filha só tinha dois anos na epoca...passaram ums anos e agora recente em 2016 me deparo novamente com essa situaçao do meu atual namorado fiqueii desperada como assim,mas eu tinha trocado o anticoncepcional e o outro ainda nao tava fazendo efeito eu acho ne...Pra mim foi a msm sensaçao de quatro anos atras pirei total,Meu Deus de novo,minha faculdade,meus planos,situaçao financeira nessa crise tava pensando em tdu!!!nao perdi tempo fui fazer uma transvaginal e de cara a medica fala parabens mamae por um instante eu acho que morri naquela maca!!! Vi o coraçao bater senti uma emoçao, tao grande ..mas logo voltei pra realidade tava de dois meses e tava de bruço o embriao aii falando com umas amigas elas me dizeram que era sorte eu tomar o cytotec que deveria tirar de sonda com uma pessoa que fazia isso ja o cara cobrou dois mil e quinhentos reias resolvi arriscar comprei o remedio onde minha mae comprou da outra vez comprei 4 tomei dois e coloquei dois e nada?sem entender liguei pra minha amiga q tinha passado por essa situaçao ela mandou eu comprar oito,voltei la novamente o cara disse que nao garantia pela posiçao do embriao resolvi arrisca comprei, com a juda do meu namorado que. Tava do meu lado pra tdu desesperada!!! Tomei cinco nao d vez em curtos periodos de madrugada e ele colocou tres bem la fundoo mesmo com penis!!! D manha voltei pra casa ja tava sentindo fortes colicas muito forte me um alivio mas nada de sangue ainda, ai umas 9:30 da manha me deu diarreia tontura tdu junto. 10:00 comecei a sangra um rio corria pelas minhas pernas ultrapassando o absorvente!!!senti um alivio,tristeza ao mesmo tempo,sangrei o dia tdo bem forte mesmo logo senti um negocio uma bolinha acho que era o embriao tentei olhar no vaso sanitario mais nao vi nada,naquele momento pedi perdao a Deus soziinha no banheiro!!!uma semsaçao de culpa profunda mas eu fiz o que era certo hje to tomando a agua inglesa que é boa pra limpar o utero,semana que vem ja vou fazer novos exames pra ve como esta por dentro...tô meio traumatizada em relaçao ao sexo com tdu iiso q aconteceu da medo de ter relaçoes....meninas sempre façam o exame direitinho antes d usar o remedio e importante e virifique se e original e se cudem se previna pq isso nao e brincadeira essa foi a minha historia quero agradecer a womenon nesse site encomtrei palavras d conforto,como usar o remedio dpoimento das meninas e a m senti humana,pq como o aborto nessa droga d pais e ilegal a gte fica se sentindo pior que uma criminosa em serie OBRIGADA!!!