This story was submitted to us.

I wanted to share my story, because I haven’t seen a lot of others like mine. I had my second abortion a little over a week ago. I scanned all the websites, read all the stories, trying to get any sort of information to help with my decision.

I had my first abortion at 26, it was a very easy decision. My ex and I had very little money, and were constantly breaking up and getting back together. We were 100% there for each other and supported each other after.

This second time was a much harder decision. I found out I was shortly before my 30th birthday. I had been with the father for 6 months. We weren’t actively trying but we weren’t using protection. We made the conscious decision that if it happened we would be happy. Having a family was what I had always wanted. We broke up, and then got back together a few days later, and then a few days after that I found out I was pregnant. He seemed happy and supportive.

Flash forward a few weeks, we had a huge fight, which led to him gaslighting and ignoring me for days. I called and sent multiple messages and got no response. I went to the clinic, and had to wait 3 days for the procedure. I told him how much his half would be, and he finally paid me a couple days later, but mocked me with emojis.

On the day of the procedure he sent me a song “about himself” and never responded with anything else. I ended up not being able to go through with it on that day, and went back the following Monday.

The Friday before I sent a text about how I felt guilty, but I also would want my child to be able to have a relationship with the father. He finally responded that,it was my choice, but he would suggest abortion, as he never saw himself having a child with someone he didn’t love fully. This gave me some sort of clarity, and I knew how difficult life would be for the child moving forward.

Before the appointment I decided to block his number/social media accounts, and we haven’t spoken since.

I was 9.5 weeks, I really did want this baby. But as much as I feel selfish for doing what I did, I feel like it would’ve been just as selfish bringing a child into a situation fighting for love, like I was.

I’m feeling every emotion you can think of . . . not every decision is black and white, and a whole lot of love goes into whatever decision you decide. I’m incredibly scared I won’t get another opportunity since I am 30. But I’m also finding hope that I will learn from this -to put myself in better situations.

I have good days and bad days, and you will to. Sending love your way.