This story is published at Women on Web.

I had a surgical, had two kids, and then had medical abortion.

For my first abortion, I was very scared because I was so young. But deep down in my heart I knew I couldn't be a mom yet, and did not want to be.

However, this did impact me in life and I did not want to have to do it again because of the bad experience and all and the guilt.

Therefore, when I got pregnant with my first and second child, I was happier than ever and I never doubted that I wanted them.

For my second abortion, we weren't in the right financial situation, plus I had already been struggling in my marriage. Having two kids so close in age together can cause a lot of stress. We decided it was not the time to have another baby, but I still felt very guilty for not having been more careful.

My first abortion I had during 9-10 weeks. It was a surgical abortion, which is the only legal abortion method here in Japan.

Overall, I don't think that any experience with abortion is pleasant, but my first experience was more distasteful than the second. The doctor that treated me was very rude, and I felt judged.

When he would make the ultrasounds for the first visits, he kept on telling me that is an alive baby and his tone was very dry. If it wasn't enough that I was already struggling emotionally, and having to hide it from my family. Having a doctor — who I thought would me more professional about it — that judges you didn't help.

The nurses were nice, though. The procedure in general was easy and painless, they put me under anesthesia, made the procedure, I woke up and rested a few hours and then I went home.

I had a post-opt appointment a week later to see if I everything was fine and I was done.

The second abortion was a medical abortion with pills obtained from Women On Web. I decided to try this method because of my bad experience for the first abortion. It’s less invasive, I could do it at home, and is way less expensive. A surgical abortion in Japan doesn't cost less than 90,000 Yen which is around 840 US dollars.

I was scared because of reviews on the Internet that mentioned how painful it was for some women. And was also scared because I wasn't sure if by ordering medicines from the Internet, if they would safe.

But I had the abortion at 6 weeks, took the first pill and I felt some cramps and had a little spotting the next day, and very nauseous (I already suffered from morning sickness) then 24 hours later I took the other pills along with Ibuprofen (for those living in Japan, I used Eve) that I could easily find at any pharmacy without a prescription.

I began feeling more nauseous, chills, and cramping but nothing painful at all. I've had two kids and some reviews said that the heavy cramping may be similar to labor pains but it is nothing like that at all, compared to labor it was a breeze for me.

Since I took the misoprostols, I took a nap, and about two to three hours later I woke up, stood up, and felt a gush of blood and a "lump" coming out. I rushed to the shower, clothes and all, and saw that I had expelled the fetus. I couldn't see the fetus itself but just the sac, with a lot of blood clots.

After being a mom of two, seeing that definitely shocked me. I felt terrible but I knew we couldn't afford another baby at the time.

I started to pass a lot of blood clots and blood, so much that I didn't know how to get out of the shower without making a mess so I just stayed there for a while.

Finally, I got out and rested for a few hours. At this time I did have cramping but not too painful, it felt like after I did when I had birth, but milder.

My husband was there for me all day, and was taking care of the kids, in order to let me rest so he was a huge help.

The bleeding continued for a few weeks, but it got lighter. I was afraid that an infection could occur if not everything was expelled from the uterus. So just to be safe, a week later I went to the doctor (a different one from my first abortion) and told him I thought I had a miscarriage.

He took a urine sample, and confirmed that I might have had a miscarriage, but that my uterus was clear and that the bleeding would also stop soon, so that no risk of infection existed.

I immediately started on Birth Control Pills, because that's the most effective way here in Japan.

For my first abortion, I was in my Senior year in High School and wasn't prepared to be a mother. For my second abortion, I had already had two kids under the age of three and wasn't in the financial situation to support another baby.

The first abortion was legal, but the second was not. It did't really affect my feelings, but I was a little afraid of what could happen during the abortion, if it was safe to order this pills from the internet.

For my first abortion, only a few close friends knew and of course my partner. They were all supportive of my decision.

For my second abortion, only my two best friends and my husband (same person as the first abortion) knew, and were also very supportive. In my first abortion my partner wanted to have the baby but he understood my decision and supported it. For the second time, we both decided that it wasn't the right time because of our financial situation.