I had three abortions. My first was when I was in high school. My mom and dad made me and I was okay with that to make them proud.

The second one was once I graduated from high school.

Then I became pregnant again right after. I kept my son who is now 8! I love him so much. My life would be empty without him.

My third one comes from my boyfriend who I am currently with. It was my choice and he supported me.

I tried the pill , the patch , the Implant etc. I need something that works for me.

Now a year later, I’m pregnant again. The morning sickness has been so hard. I have been debating what to do, thinking that maybe I’m / we are not ready. So I’m going forward with my fourth abortion. That just sounds horrible to speak out loud and face.

I’m disappointed in myself because I thought I can do this. I thought I could give my 8 year old son a sibling. He recently lost his father Dec. 18 to gun violence, just like I lost my father. My depression from losing my father consumed me.

I knew a new baby would be good for him, but now that my boyfriend and I are going on 2 years, I’m not ready for this commitment.

I want a husband and a stable foundation. My son and I both lost our father, and I want to be very sure that my next child’s father will be my husband and support us through anything mentally, physically, emotionally, financially.