This story is published at Shout Your Abortion.

One kid. Five abortions. No regrets. My story is that there IS no damn story.

I was in college and didn’t want a child yet, so I had a D&C.

And then I was a mom and didn’t want more kids, so I had medical abortions (abortion pill/mifepristone & misoprostol).

I felt most guilty right before the 2nd abortion. I felt like, everyone gets ONE mistake, you know? But having more than one . . . ugh.

This, despite the fact that I had struggled with serious post-partum depression and had an extremely long list of reasons why another child at that point in my life would have been a terrible choice, despite the fact that I am a running joke of failed birth control methods and could have found plenty of “not my fault” excuses.

But I never had a “real” medical or economic reason to terminate. I just DID NOT WANT THOSE CHILDREN. Fuck anyone who thinks I should have had them anyway. Fuck the culture that made me feel guilty for one goddamn second about what I “should” have done, when the only question I ever should have had to ask is, “do I WANT this?”

Thank you to my husband, who told me it was okay to say fuck the world’s judgment and do what was best for our family. (I probably would’ve anyway, but it’s good to be supported by the ones you love.)

And thank you to my best friend, who got the call from me saying “Heyyyy, I’m pregnant” (with what would be abortion #2) and responded, “And how do we feel about that?” instead of assuming it was a done deal.

~Joy