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By the time I was 26 I’d been pregnant 8 times. The first time I was 15. I was young and dumb and didn’t think it would happen to me. I knew immediately I would not/could not have a baby.

I figured out how to get an abortion on my own but I became quite sick quite early and my dad figured out what was wrong. He was not mad but not exactly supportive. He was dealing with his own shit and had little bandwidth to deal with his kids stuff.

It was only a few years after Roe v Wade made abortion legal and I was able to have a safe legal abortion.

I got pregnant again at 19 while using birth control. I was in the Navy, in a foreign country and was able to obtain a legal abortion there too.

Again - less than 3 months later I was pregnant. My periods had not yet become regular after the abortion and I wasn’t using birth control. I had asked a navy doctor for an IUD but was treated like a “slut” for even asking.

I was back stateside and was able to access an abortion.

At 21 I had my first child. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I knew I wanted a baby. I could take care of myself and I knew I could take care of a baby. I ended up marrying her father and we set out to make a family.

A year later I was pregnant again on birth control. I felt like a fucking failure for my inability to control my own fertility.

My marriage already sucked. I was taking care of a baby and a man baby. I had no support. No help. Working full time on active duty. I had no emotional means to bring another human into this world. So I had another abortion.

A year later - same thing. I became pregnant on the pill. Four pregnancies while using birth control pills. Correctly. Every damn day.

Editor’s note: preventing pregnancies is more complicated than the marketing lets on. Click here to read about how common it is to get pregnant despite using contraceptives.

A year later I had my first and only planned pregnancy. My marriage was no better but I felt like I was in a better place emotionally and financially and could care for another child.

Two years after her birth I was pregnant. Again.

By that time I knew my marriage would not last and I knew that I could not have another child with that man. I had another abortion and begged the doctor to give me an IUD. I knew if I became pregnant again I would kill myself.

What kind of piece of shit person has six abortions?!?! That IUD literally saved my life.

Three years later I got a divorce. Got in to college. Became a nurse and then a midwife. And years later became an abortion provider.

I do not regret any of my abortions. I regret my failure to obtain safe reliable long acting contraception at the times in my life when I really needed it.