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I’m 23 and going to need a second abortion.

I feel so stupid. Almost two years ago I accidentally got pregnant and had an abortion during the pandemic. It was pretty traumatic but I was instantly relieved. Since then I’ve gone on to get my bachelors and masters degree. When I think of my future, I envision freedom, adventure and peace of mind.

I spent a lot of my childhood looking after my younger siblings and have seen my mom struggle with being a single parent on a low income my whole life. I vowed to never be like that.

Yet two years later, here I am again with an unwanted pregnancy after a careless evening with my long term partner of 3 years. I don’t want it. I can’t afford it. I want to experience life on my own terms.

My head is scrambled. I am battling a morality crisis. This would be my second child technically? I also have stage 4 endometriosis so I know that I’m not exactly lucked out in the fertility department. However I would like to remain child free by choice.

If anyone has gone through this, could you please kindly share your experience and words of encouragement. I feel immense shame telling my mom I’m going to abort again.

Stories in the responses:

— I am in the same boat. I’m 39 with two kids ages 13 and 17. I had my first abortion five years ago. It was extremely traumatizing. However, it is important to note that after years of sorting through my feelings it is clear that the abortion itself wasn’t traumatic so much as the choice. I always said I could never ever go through that again. I’ve found out I was pregnant a few days ago and to my relief, I am not nearly as miserable this time around. I knew what I wanted to do, so I made my first appointment for next Tuesday. It sucks having to do this twice. The whole situation is shocking to me. However, I think it’s important to note that as women we are almost cursed lol. Children are the most wonderful thing in the world and make life worth living 10 times over. However, being a parent is freaking hard. It’s not easy when they’re babies, and it’s not easy when they’re teenagers. It’s wonderful and heartbreaking at the same time. Yet our bodies are designed to have babies over and over again, with no relief, for roughly 3 decades. It’s insanity. While this modern age allows us some control over preventing pregnancy, ultimately, it can happen to any of us at any time. It’s not that unreasonable to wish for an ultimate form of control over your own life when it comes down to it. Just know that you’re not alone even though it certainly feels like it most of the time! I am a huge believer that everything works out the way it supposed to though it’s so much easier said than done. I think we need to listen to our gut. The answer is there. ❤️

— I'm 19 and have had 2 abortions, about 3 months apart. My mum had 2 abortions when she was younger about a year apart, at 18 and 19. I'd say it's a lot more common than people assume.

— I’m 32. I’ve had 3 abortions and also 2 kids. I became a mom very early in life, at 18. I was pregnant my entire senior year and it was hard. I had my first abortion when i was 24.. Then I had another kid when i was 26. That was a pregnancy I actually wanted so I kept it . I then had another abortion in 2019 and I had another one in 2020 but it was also a twin ectopic. I was on birth control the last 2 times I had an abortion, for reference.

— I don’t want you to guilt yourself or feel shame. There's nothing wrong with doing what’s best for you. Pregnancy is fucking HARD. Some women get lucky and have it easy but I can tell you from personal experience for myself, it was not fun and I don't recommend it😅. It's lonely, you're sick all the time, your pelvis and back kill you and you gain 40 plus pounds and the baby sucks the minerals out of your bones and teeth. Not to mention all the other things that can go wrong.

— There are a lot of women who have had multiple abortions. It's so much more common than you think. And think about this, women can get pregnant up til theyre 50, so women are bound to have more than one. It happens. It's medical care.

— No one should ever be forced to endure a pregnancy they dont want want.

— If you're afraid of how your mom is gonna react, then just don't tell her. None of her business anyway. Sucks your mom isn't more understanding, but thats why you have us here. We got you, girl. It's gonna be okay.❤️

— I had an abortion at 31 when I’m sober, make extremely good money, and have undergone years of therapy and am in a very good place to raise a child.

— No regrets about either. I will choose to remain childfree my entire life. The only thing the second one taught me was to get effective birth control - but if my BC failed and it happened again? I’d have another. No regrets, no guilt. So many women have gone through this and it doesn’t matter where you’re at in life - if it’s your choice, it’s your choice.