This story is published at Shout Your Abortion.

I grew up in a religious conservative household. I was taught abortion is bad and it was never even up for discussion.

When I got pregnant at 21, my boyfriend’s parents asked if we were considering abortion. To be honest, I know I had the choice but whatever was in me deep inside knew I wanted this child.

I made the choice to have my son and to this day six and a half years later he is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Fast forward to two years ago, I am in a different relationship with a much older married man. I was naive and stupid and believed him when he said he loved me.

He routinely told me he wanted to get me pregnant and that he couldn’t wait until we could have a baby. And one day it happened, my period was late and I took a pregnancy test and it confirmed my fears.

I was pregnant. I told my boyfriend at the time and he blew up at me. Incredibly angry and volatile, telling me he couldn’t have a baby right now. He wasn’t ready for his divorce and it would ruin everything.

Panicking and depressed I thought okay- I’ll do this by myself. I will move back with my parents and I can raise the baby and my son with their help.

After thinking more and confiding in the one person I could at the time, my sister, I decided to make an appointment at Whole Women’s Health in Austin, Texas.

I came back after the initial appointment the next day for my mifepristone and misoprostol pills. I spent that night in pain alone, trying to take care of my four year old, as my pregnancy ended at 8 weeks and got up to work the next day still bleeding.

Just five months later, still in the same toxic relationship, being fooled and conned by a much older man, I find myself in a similar situation.

This time I tried to prevent it. I was taking birth control pills religiously even though it angered my boyfriend. He would go through my bathroom and if he found them he would be livid. He told me the same things he told me previously. He wanted a baby with me, he was ready, didn’t I want to have his baby??

This time when I found out I was pregnant he was over the moon thrilled. It lasted for another month and when I went to my first appointment at 8 weeks with my OB, he lost it as he always did.

I don’t remember what triggered him but he started the verbal attacks and I realized I couldn’t be in a relationship with this man.

I tried to hold on a little longer as most victims of abuse do but by 12 weeks pregnant I knew there was no chance of it getting better.

I went to Whole Women’s Health again and this time had to schedule a surgical abortion. My surgical abortion was an amazing experience, no pain, and I only have good things to say about the staff at Whole Women’s Health.

I had two abortions and after feeling so much shame and confusion I no longer want to hide them.

My abortions saved me. I wouldn’t be where I am today without them. I wouldn’t be the mom I am to my son today if I hadn’t had them.

~Melina