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For the past 2 weeks since finding out I was pregnant, I have felt trapped, alone and unsafe. I started to unravel and I was no longer the rational, bullet proof person I believed I always had been.

I live alone in a small flat, I'm financially stable (just) but I was no where near close to being able to provide for a child. My biggest fear was being a single mum and I didn't feel deserving to raise a child.

Being in my 30s and having experienced abortion before, I felt immense pressure to continue the pregnancy even though it terrified me in every sense.

The feeling of utter dread and fear stopped me from leaving the house for 2 weeks.

Becoming pregnant triggered a huge trauma response and then finally I had some clarity. I knew that the decision had to be made sooner rather than later (for me, timing was important). And it had to be made by me for me, no one else.

Although this has been the most difficult decision of my life so far, it has taught me so much about myself which has been such a blessing.

This situation has showed me how important it is for me to be in a safe and loving relationship before bringing a baby into the world, and having made the decision to have an abortion, it has opened the door for me to explore self care, address past traumas and repair so that I can finally experience true happiness and connection in my life.