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I thought I was in a great relationship and we just started trying for a baby.

He left a few weeks later and a few weeks after that I found out I was pregnant.

At the start I was determined to keep it but I felt in no way ready to be a single mum and made the hard choice at 36 to have an abortion.

It nearly broke me and for weeks I cried and begged for that baby back.

Fast foward a year, I did IVF to become a single mother by choice. I didn’t want him to be the reason I didn’t have kids and I was still missing the baby I gave up.

Little did I know at the start that I would end up aborting this one.

Reality struck me during pregnancy of no real support and debilitating anxiety of whether I really wanted to be a mum.

I still grapple with this choice today. I now don’t regret my abortions but still yearn for a baby.

However I don’t think mentally or physically i can put myself through another pregnancy, so for now I’m just trying to look forward.