Click the image to submit a kind comment for people who have abortions. Include your city and country if you wish.
Remember you’re allowed to grieve. You’re allowed to feel a loss and your emotions and feelings are valid. You are loved. Please take time with yourself and remember you are not alone.
~ A Kind Supporter in the UK
To long for someone you’ve never met is an indescribable pain. To love, to feel so deeply for something, someone that was outside of your reach. It is an indescribable feeling to know what it feels like to carry something within you. To feel a motherly instinct without a child. It was all at once that I learned a mother’s grief as quickly as I learned a mother’s love. It is ok to feel sadness, to feel pain, to feel guilt. Feel it all. Feel it deeply, acknowledge its existence and let it push you forward. Allow it to make you restless to see the world, to go after your dreams, your future. Grief is not linear. There is no timeline, there is no right or wrong. I had an abortion. It is something that I have never said out loud to anyone apart my partner, but it is part of all of our stories. It was not an easy way out. It was heartbreaking but it is not selfish. I love you all.
~ A kind supporter in the U.S.
Don’t feel bad, you’re not alone and you didn’t do it out of spite but out of love. Be kind to yourself.
~ A kind supporter in Spain
You are not alone and it's nice to know that as well it gives great comfort in such an awful time. Abortion is never easy and we sway from one decision to the next but ultimately we choose abortion because we don't see a way that it will work for us or the life of a baby in our current situation. But that's us thinking of that life as well and what it would have.
~ A kind supporter, location not given
We are so loved. Every one of us. ~ A kind supporter in Connecticut
Its ok to feel the way you do, ride the waves of the ups and downs. For some of you it will be an immediately easy decision and for others the most difficult decision you will make. I have experienced both, but you need to remember you are the ultimate decider, and whilst some people will try to manipulate or even persuade you into doing differently, this is ultimately your decision and you have to live with either decision you make, so be 100% on your decision. Don’t go with other peoples’. It’s ok to seek support but also define clear boundaries — that is what you need, and not judgment, advice or anything you do not need.
~ A kind supporter in the United Kingdom
Your life matters. Not everyone wants the same thing and do not feel guilty for choosing what you need.
~ A kind supporter in Australia
It’s okay to feel what you feel. You can be sad, confused, relieved, or upset. Your emotions can go up and down — it’s normal. You chose what was best for you and baby. No matter what you were going to pick, there is always gonna be that ‘what if.’ Grief is normal. Don’t put too much on yourself for the decision you made. It’s okay, you picked what was best for you and baby, you will meet again at a better and more stable stage in your life. It’s okay.
~ A kind supporter in California
The abortion is one of the most challenging decisions a woman can make. Please be kind and take care of yourself. You are not alone. I hope my story serves as support for you, the same way other women stories have provided support to me.
~ A kind supporter in the U.S.
To everyone who shares their story, to everyone who shares words of kindness — Thank you so much for making my brain melt a little less. Abortion is not only health care, it's a form of birth control. And while it can be an arduous and stressful process —without the stigma, even — I very much appreciate that we can be more conversational and even light-hearted on the topic. Some things in life you just need to laugh off, then live on. Abortion is very much one of those things. Much love. :)
~ A kind supporter. location not given
You’re not alone, you’re allowed to feel every emotion you’re feeling. You’re allowed to mourn and grieve. You’re allowed to be frustrated it happened again, but don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not allowed to have another abortion.
~ A kind supporter in Massachusettes
No person who has an abortion should feel guilty or alone, the abortion process is already a very difficult thing to go through. I hope everyone can have the right to choose and not feel guilty about it.
~ A kind supporter in Brazil
I honor and I recognise the diversity of lived experiences people bring to their abortion stories. My own abortion story matures and changes with time, giving me new wisdom at every turn. One thing I know for sure is that abortions are responsible, kind, thoughtful, and loving. Everyone deserves access to the reproductive care they want and/or need. I love people who have abortions with all my heart.
~ A kind supporter in Pennsylvania
You’re not alone. I love you soo much. You did the best you could with the knowledge and resources you had at the time. You are not a bad person. You are a complete human being that deserves to live life with joy. Smile because you’re beautiful and worthy. <hugs>
~ A kind supporter in New York
You are so loved. You are the epitome of strength and selflessness. The decision that you courageously made is not selfish, it is the complete opposite. This decision is your way of caring for yourself and your child, to provide you both with the best possible outcomes. That is selflessness, that is strength — to honour the painful conclusion that this is the best decision for you both. It is okay to grieve and feel relief at the same time, and it is also okay to feel one without the other — everything you are feeling is valid. Please be gentle and kind to yourself. If you are reading this right now please look at yourself in the mirror and say: I am loved, I am not alone, I made the right decision, I am strong, and I will heal. <3
~ A kind supporter in Canada
I write this to you, sitting next to you. Going through this with you. You are loved. You are worthy and deserving of love. Your choice is not just for you, but for the being you are sending back to the heavens. You are doing what is best for you and them. You may question that, you may walkways wonder what if- or even count how old they would be… but know God is thankful you made the best choice for the both of you.
~ A kind supporter in New Jersey
I love you. Be gentle with yourself.
You are making the right choice! Do what’s best for you now and your future. Hold your head high. I love you. I share your pain of this decision and hold you in my heart. You are not alone. You are a loving person.
~ A kind supporter in Canada
Your life is your choice and NO ONE can judge you for those decisions. Even if you believe in God, God gave us this option. God forgives all and God understands.
~ A kind supporter, location not given
You’re never alone. You’re valid. You matter. And it is always your choice.
~ A kind supporter in the U.S.
Despite how anyone around you feels, even if it's the father, your judgement is and always will be correct. Trust yourself. Love yourself. It will be okay. And we will get through this together. 💓
~ A kind supporter in Georgia, US.
You made this choice due to your own circumstance/s, experience/s in life, mental state, support or lack of, belief/s or whatever reason and it is and was yours to make; not anyone else's. So remember to be proud of who you are and stand with your head high for making the best decision you could. Even if you only made the decision because you felt you were not supported, that doesn’t make it wrong, just maybe sad (if thats how you felt) but it doesn’t mean you should feel bad. I just wish you love and self acceptance and all of you to feel at peace. This is your life to live, your life to make choices good, bad, ugly. We are human, not machines. Every minute is precious with no guarantee of the next. We do our best. That’s what counts. We are works in progress and I wish you all warmth and love.
~A kind supporter in the UK
Whatever your reason is, you are valid. You don’t even have to have a reason. There is nothing selfish about not wanting to carry a pregnancy to term knowing you don’t want to. You deserve to live your life.
~A kind supporter in Canada
We all did it for our own reasons. The point in having kids is to try and create the kindest version of these little humans, love them, guide them, and we felt we just weren’t ready to do that and that’s ok. Because it’s a huge responsibility. We just have to take it day by day and just breathe. Most importantly we have to trust our instincts were correct. Love yourself because you deserve it. I love every single person who isn’t feeling good enough just TRY and feel the love. Think of better days and think of days that you’re going to feel your best. Think of the things you can accomplish while you’re still on this earth.
~ A kind supporter in Nevada
You are not alone even when you feel like you are. You made the best decision for you regardless if you have children currently or not. Us as young women and women in general, we matter. Our health physically and mentally matters. Don’t forget that.
~ A kind supporter in California
You are worthy and there is nothing wrong with you for wanting to go through with having an abortion.
~ A kind supporter in the Pacific Northwest, U.S.
You are worthy of love. Worthy of understanding. Deserving of anything good this world has to offer. You deserve to be seen and heard. Your life is important. You made an impossible decision that required selflessness, despite what others may think. You are light and love.
~ A kind supporter in Delaware
If you’re looking for answers and came across this page it does help, it helps heal, and helps comfort if you’re feeling alone in your decision. Abortion isn’t black and white. There’s so much gray area. It’s okay to feel sadness and loss. It’s okay to have made the decision for the best interest of yourself or you and your family. Remember that when guilt or sadness comes creeping up. You made the decision based off what your life currently was at the time. You did what you thought was best. Let the sadness come and let it move through you.
~ A kind supporter in Colorado
You’re not alone. We’re all in this together on this page.
~ A kind friend in Florida
I send love and support to anyone who has had an abortion for whatever reason. No-one needs to know your personal reasons for making the decision and remember to always put yourself first, no matter how hard it may feel.
~ A kind friend in the U.K.
Abortion is never easy, people who think it’s an easy way out have clearly never had one. Love yourself and trust in your judgment at the time.
~ A kind friend in Australia
Abortion is an act of kindness, every child deserves the best life and if you don’t feel you can provide that then that’s enough to make this decision. You’re strong and you can make this choice without guilt or shame.
~A kind friend in the United Kingdom
You do not need to carry any shame! Set that sh*t down. This is your body, your choice, your life and you are in the driver's seat. Nobody else ❤️
~ A kind friend North of Ireland
I love you, and I see you. If you feel alone, know that I am thinking of you, and have been there myself. Don't forget that perspective shifts, and the world continues to reveal more truth and beauty each day. Sometimes, it's okay to just survive. Hang in there, and trust that there are brighter days ahead, even if it seems impossible to imagine right now.
~ A kind friend in Texas, U.S.
This decision doesn't always come lightly but know that you are doing this for you. You are the person who is living, breathing, feeling. You are the person with memories and goals for the future. You have lived an experienced life thus far and you know what's best for you. Regardless of how many, abortion is your right to continue living the life you feel most comfortable living. You are doing the right thing. You will recover and you are loved.
~ A kind friend in Scotland
Be kind to yourself. You did and are doing what you need to do. You deserve to be happy.
~Jennifer in Florida
Do what’s best for YOU.
~A kind supporter in Pennsylvania
Only you know what is good for you. Own your truth.
~A kind supporter in South Africa
Trust yourself, be gentle to yourself. No one takes this decision lightly, it is important but also right for you.
~ A kind supporter in France
This is for my friend, and all other women who have or are facing this decision, be it your first or your forth.
You have the right to choose. You have the right to put yourself first. You have the right to question what's in the best interest for your situation. You have the right to feel, and grieve. Even if you made that choice, it's ok to still cry for them.
Trust in your choice and know that it doesn't define who you are as a person. You are still loved and capable of love. You are still whole, and you still have so much wonder to bring into this world.
Make your future count. I admire your courage and strength. Sending big supportive hugs. You will never walk alone. Xxx
~ Beckie in Liverpool, United Kingdom
Do not feel ashamed for the choices that you make. This platform has helped me tremendously, I respect tose who are brave enough to share their story. Thank you.
~ A kind supporter in the United Kingdom.
First of all, thank you for this website! Secondly, I just wanted to posit that abortion is and should be a form of guilt-free birth control like any other. I obviously wouldn't go as far to say that every woman should have an abortion, but I'll admit that my enthusiasm against the stigma sometimes leads me to that thought. It's more than just 'My Body, My Choice'. It's a celebration of fertility, and it's a great one at that, as odd as that may seem for many. Also, I'm pregnant! Twelve weeks. As you may have guessed, I'm aborting it, and this will be my fourth! God Bless all of you out there having abortions, and thank you again for being you. There's no such thing as a bad reason to have an 'a-word'. Sorry, abortion. :)
~ A kind supporter in Canada
I support women's reproductive rights. Sending good vibes.
~ A kind supporter in Georgia, US.
July 15, 2015 is when I had an abortion. I was a naïve 19 year old college student who accidentally became pregnant. I planned on keeping it, letting my naïve self believe it was no big deal, but I changed my mind at 13 weeks. At the time I believed it was the worst decision I ever made.
6 years later and my abortion is now one of the greatest decisions I ever made. That decision made me the paramedic I am today, working for an ambulance crew in Washington State, and currently in training on joining a Mountain Rescue Team. If I decided on keeping that pregnancy I probably would have dropped out of college and be working at Taco Bell right now. I would love to see a pro-life protestor argue in favor of that!
(((HUGS))) to all the beautiful women who have had 2+ abortions. You are loved, you are cherished, and each and every one of you are the greatest of decision makers. And NEVER let regret became part of your life, instead keep your eyes forward and aim for what's ahead.
I hope my brief story shows you that the choices that you made will only make your life healthier and stronger. I am a 25 year old sexually active female, and who knows, I could be joining your group one day.
~ A Beautiful Kind Friend in Washington, US.
Abortions are life, abortions are love, abortions are pain – abortions are so many things, but they should NEVER be stigmatized or criminalized. To everyone who's ever had or will ever seek an abortion: you are 100% doing what you know is right for your current situation. Remember that you are not alone, as thousands of pregnant people throughout the generations of history have gone through what you are going through.
We are strong and together we will build a future that recognizes this strength.
~ A friend in Berlin, Germany
I offer these words of encouragement to people who have had abortions: You are the experts of your body and your life. You should make the right choice for you! Always remember that abortion is health care. No matter how many abortions you had, can not change that! What I have found out is that "people who have had abortions are holy!”
~ Kiconco Grace Barbara of TURGET Uganda in Kampala, Uganda
Abortions are a health right. Women need not be judged or condemned for exercising our rights to bodily autonomy. I support all my Sisters to heal from stigma related to abortions ,and encourage us all to move bravely into the future feeling powerful.
~ Omodele Ibitoye of IRISE in Nigeria
Access to abortion services should be women choice with no limitations. Abortion is a right which has no barriers.
~ Peter Fongeh, Vision in Action in Cameroon
Safe abortions care should be handled as any other medical procedure to save so many mothers. Let us know that it’s their rights. Reproductive health rights should be provided to us all for a better world we all deserve.
~ Muhoozi Oscar from Kampala, Uganda
Que l'avortement soit reconnu comme composant des droits humains et reconnu comme tel. La réussite des OD — objectifs de développement durable — recoure du respect des droits humains dont la dépénalisation de l'avortement dans le monde. Personne ne doit rester dernier d'ici 2030. Avortement sans risque dans le monde, Yes.
That abortion be recognized as a component of human rights and recognized as such. The success of the SDGs — sustainable development goals — is based on respect for human rights, including the decriminalization of abortion worldwide. No one should stay last until 2030. Safe Abortion Worldwide, Yes.
~ Jean Nkeshimana from Bujumbura, Burundi
@NikkiMiles
I support people making their own decisions especially when it comes to their reproductive health system.
~ A friend from Kenya
Your choices, your happiness ! Society is too big to listen to! Many have lived unhappy and unfulfilled lives by listening to society. Your world, your choices. Be happy!
~ Joshua Akharigeya from Accra, Ghana
I have no problem with it. A woman should have a right to discontinue a pregnancy that comes unexpectedly. If she knows it's not time yet, if she cant take care of it, and if she doesn't want it.
~ Denis from Kampala, Uganda
Thank you for sharing your story with me. I'm here any time you want to talk about your abortions or if you want to share more of your story with me. I love you.
~ Kristen from Cape Town, South Africa
Ini ndinofunga kuti tisati tashora kana kutsoropodza madzimai anobvisa pamuviri kaviri kana kupfuura, tinofanira kutanga tanzwisisa nyaya yavo. Kudzikisirana hakuna zvakunobatsira asi hurukuro inovaka maererano nezvekuronga mhuri ne zveutano hwavo ndizvo zvakanyanyisa kukosha.
I think before we pass judgement on women who have had more than one abortion, we need to understand their story. Stigmatizing does not help the situation but constructive dialogue on family planning choices and their reproductive health is most critical.
~ A friend from Harare, Zimbabwe
Naelewa mbona ilikulazimu kuondoa mimba hii, wajua kilicho na manufaa kwako, najua haikuwa uamuzi rahisi, usiwe na hofu ni kuhusu wewe, maisha yako, mwili wako na uhuru wako wakuchagua lililo nzuri kwako. Unapendwa.
I understand why you had to make these hard decisions, terminating these pregnancies wasn't easy for you, but you know what is good for you, don't worry because it’s about you, your life, your body, and your freedom to choose what is good for you. You are loved.
~Immaculate from Malaba, Kenya
People who have had multiple abortions are no different from anyone who has had more than one unintended pregnancy irrespective of the outcome. And medically, there is nothing wrong about it.
~ Nickson from Borno State, Nigeria
I know without a shadow of doubt that if I were to get pregnant I would abort. It's just not what I want for my life, I can't afford it, and there are millions of other babies already living who need a home. I have large fibroids that make it difficult for me to get pregnant as well, so that's probably the only reason I haven't had 2+ abortions myself so far. More power to you, all you brilliant, beautiful, brave women for standing up for yourself and doing right by your choices and your life. Nobody knows what is best for you better than you. I admire all of you. <3
~ From a supporter in India
Abortion is also our human rights. Our body, our rights. We have to raise our voice to break down the taboos. It is not matter how many times we have to take decision for our body rights. We have freedom to choose any decisions.
~Shahina Yasmin from Bangladesh
Aborsi aman adalah pilihan yang harus ada untuk perempuan. Di negara dengan budaya yang sangat merugikan perempuan seperti Indonesia, perempuan sangat rentan mengalami kehamilan tidak diinginkan lebih dari sekali. Mengakses aborsi aman lebih dari sekali tidak akan membuatmu menjadi tidak bermoral. Aborsi aman bukan soal moral. Aborsi aman itu persoalan hak akan kesehatan reproduksi; hak untuk memiliki atau tidak memiliki anak, hal untuk melanjutkan atau tidak melanjutkan kehamilan. Kita, perempuan memiliki hak penuh atas tubuh kita. Ya, kita, perempuan, dan kita berdaya!
Safe abortion is a must-have choice for women. In a country with a culture that is very detrimental to women like Indonesia, women are very vulnerable to experiencing unwanted pregnancies more than once. Accessing a safe abortion more than once will not make you immoral. Safe abortion is not a moral matter. Safe abortion is a matter of the right to reproductive health; the right to have or not have children, things to continue or not continue the pregnancy. We, women have full rights to our bodies. Yes, we, women, and we are empowered!
~ Tirza Ong from Indonesia
Every woman has the right to be respected. Value her voice . . . value her choice.
~ Md. Mamunur Rashid from Dhaka, Bangladesh
It's okay to have more than one abortion. Those who judge you they will not take your responsibility nor pay your bills. It's your choice and your life. There is no shame in deciding for yourselves. Your decision is valuable and important. <3 from Bangladesh!
@NikkiMiles
~ Anika Habib from Dhaka, Bangladesh
There is no shame. There is no judgment.
There is no guilt. Our truth is ours.
~Rathi from New Delhi, India
People who have abortions are people who are making necessary decisions about their future health and happiness. No matter how many you have, when or where you have them, no matter why, we support all of your abortions and will continue to push until everyone who needs them can have them with dignity and support.
~The people of Alliance For Choice in Northern Ireland
Czy jest coś bardziej stygmatyzowanego niż doświadczenie aborcji? Doświadczenie więcej niż jednej aborcji zdecydowanie należy do tych tematów. Niektóre rzeczy zdarzają się w życiu więcej niż jeden raz — poród, ślub, rozwód, rozstanie, utrata pracy, nowa praca, poronienie, kolejny związek i wiele wiele innych — i TO JEST OK. Każde z tych doświadczeń jest Twoje, w każdym z nich tylko Ty wiesz co jest jest dla Ciebie dobre.
Is there anything more stigmatized than the experience of abortion? The experience of more than one abortion definitely belongs to these topics. Some things happen in life more than once — childbirth, marriage, divorce, parting, job loss, new work, miscarriage, another relationship and many more— and THIS IS OK. Each of these experiences is yours, in each of them only you know what is good for you.
~ Aborcyjny Dream Team in Poland
As a family doctor and abortion rights activist in Ireland, I have met many women of all ages who have had more than one abortion. When I'm asked, but why did they have another abortion? My answer is always 'because they needed to.'
My biggest concern is the stigma and shaming that a person can be subject to if they need more than one abortion. It is not okay and we must work to prevent it.
As an abortion provider in Ireland (yes it has been happening since January this year) I will soon meet a person who I will provide a second abortion to. I will note that clinical information like any other and move on to provide her with the same person-centered care she should always receive: care that is not dependent on how many abortions she has had or will have over her reproductive lifetime.
~ In solidarity, Mary from Cork, Ireland
My wish for you is that those of us in the progressive movement do the work to unlearn the stigma around multiple abortions. We must not let antichoice language creep into our thoughts and out of our mouths. We must not stigmatise those we should be embracing. Your reasons are your own, your fertility should not be punished, and your decisions should never be shamed. Your strength and commitment to doing right by your body astounds me, and I am so proud this space exists to congratulate you on continuing to make the right decisions for you. Sending massive hugs from Ireland <3
~ Michali Hyams from Dublin, Ireland
Das würde Marietta aus Berlin Ihnen sagen, wenn Sie ihr sagten, Sie hätten mehr als eine Abtreibung benötigt:
Hey Du. Danke, dass Du das mit mir teilst. Ich finde, es ist Deine Entscheidung, niemand kann Dir reinreden. Eine Abtreibung ist nicht falsch oder unmoralisch, es ist kein Grund, Dich zu schämen. Wie siehst Du das? Es würde mich freuen, Dich zu begleiten und von und mit Dir zu lernen. Ich weiß, es ist echt keine einfache Situation, aber ich bin da für Dich. Lass mich wissen, ob ich irgendwie helfen kann. Wenn Du einfach reden willst, gern, aber wenn ich Dir Rat geben soll, Ressourcen raussuchen, Dich begleiten soll, oder was auch immer, das tue ich auch gern.
This is what Marietta of Berlin, Germany, would say to you if you told her you had needed more than one abortion:
@NikkiMiles
Hey, thank you for sharing with me! From my perspective, it's your choice, no one should interfere. Abortion isn't immoral or wrong. No need to be ashamed! What do you think? How do you feel?I'm happy to accompany you through this learn from and with you. I know it's not easy but I support you no matter what. Please let me know what you need. If you just wanna speak, that's totally ok, if you want me to give advice, guide you to resources, come with you, I'm happy to.
~Marietta from Berlin, Germany
Every pregnancy brings with it three options: parenting, adoption or abortion. Only one person has the knowledge to determine the correct path: the pregnant person. I trust women and pregnant people to make the right decision for them in this case, no matter how many times they are faced with it.
~ Mara Clarke from London, United Kingdom
Women's reproductive decisions must be respected in all societies. Judging and labeling women for abortions is a barrier to women's health.
~ Maria Elena Collado from México
You are not alone, you can count on us. Making your own decisions it's a step in your life and a giant step for all women around the world.
~ The Feminists of Faldas R. in Venezuela
Las personas y especialmente las mujeres somos una diversidad de todo, de creencias, de historias y experiencias de vida, ninguna es mejor o peor que otra, sólo son diferentes. Habrán mujeres que nunca han abortado, otras con 1 ó 2 o muchos abortos como yo, otras que sufren por el hijo que no llega, etc. Lo importante es valorar, escuchar y bendecir esta diversidad. Abortar y parir acompañada y comprendida es una acto de amor familiar. El día que las mujeres podamos controlar con nuestro pensamiento si embarazarnos o no, se acabará la necesidad de anticonceptivos y de abortos, mientras llega ese día seamos felices con lo que tenemos. Por eso sigamos la lucha por la despenalización del aborto a nivel mundial como un acto de amor mundial, nuestras hermanas en contra del aborto y a favor de la adopción seguirán ejerciendo su derecho y me parece muy bueno. Aunque haya una sola mujer en el mundo que necesite del aborto, este debería ser legal. ¡Allillan! , !Hayaya¡, !Aleluya!
People and especially women are a diversity of everything, of beliefs, of stories and life experiences, none is better or worse than another, they are only different. There will be women who have never aborted, others with 1 or 2 or many abortions like me, others who suffer for the unsaved child, etc. The important thing is to value, listen and bless this diversity. Abortion and delivery accompanied and understood is an act of family love. The day that women can control with our thinking whether to get pregnant or not, the need for contraceptives and abortions will end, while that day comes we will be happy with what we have. That is why we continue the fight for the decriminalization of abortion worldwide as an act of world love, our sisters against abortion and in favor of adoption will continue to exercise their right and it seems very good. Although there is only one woman in the world who needs abortion, it should be legal. Allillan! ,! Hayaya! Hallelujah!
~ Rosa Amalia Castañeda, Cajamarca, Perú
Eres muy fuerte y valiente para poder llevar este proceso. Si estas leyendo esto no te sientas so
Eres muy fuerte y valiente para poder llevar este proceso. Si estas leyendo esto no te sientas sola y recuerda que con tu experiencia puedes ayudar a otras mujeres en todo el mundo.
Llegaste aquí por diferentes motivos y todos son completamente válidos por que la única persona que puede hablar y decidir sobre ti eres tú <3
Lucha contra todo por que no has hecho nada malo y ayudemonos entre nosotras a seguir luchando.
You're very strong and brave to bring this process. If you're reading this do not feel alone and remember that your experience can help other women around the world.
You came here for different reasons and all are completely valid because the only person who can speak and decide about you is you <3
Fight against everything you've done nothing wrong and let us help keep fighting among ourselves.
~ Adriana Buiza from Lima, Perú
Tantos como la mujer decida que son necesarios.
As many as a woman decides that she needs.
~ María Luisa from Mexico City, México
Las mujeres tenemos derecho a decidir, esa es la premisa central. Además, pienso que la experiencia del aborto, debe ser acompañada, debe brindar información, proveer metodos anticonceptivos. Sin embargo, me parece que existe estigmas relacionados con tener más de un aborto, pienso que lo fundamental es ponernos en los zapatos de las mujeres, no juzgar y brindar apoyo social. Las mujeres sabemos porque tomamos nuestras decisiones.
Women have the right to decide, that's the central premise. In addition, I think that the experience of abortion, should be accompanied, should provide information, provide contraception. However, it seems that there is stigma associated with having more than one abortion, I think the key is to put ourselves in the shoes of women, not judge and provide social support. Women know this because we make our decisions.
~ Sara from El Salvador
@NikkiMiles
Diría que es tan fácil tener más de un embarazo no deseado en la vida…. Tener que luchar durante 30- 35 años de la vida con la posibilidad de quedar embarazada y tener que enfrentar las barreras asociadas al acceso a la anticoncepción genera como consecuencia normal que las mujeres tengan más de un aborto en la vida. Quienes estamos interesadas en los derechos y la salud de las mujeres debemos tener esto presente y apoyarlas para que la experiencia de aborto sea lo menos traumática posible, de manera que uno, dos, tres o más abortos sean vividos como experiencias posibles de incluir en la narrativa de vida de las mujeres sin culpa ni dolor.
I would say that it´s so easy to have more than one unwanted pregnancy in life … having to struggle during 30- 35 years in life with the possibility of getting pregnant and having to face all the barriers associated with access to contraception has as a normal consequence that women may have more than one abortion in life. All of us interested in women´s rights and health need to realize this and support women to make the abortion experience the least traumatic as possible, so one, two, three or more abortions are lived as experiences possible to include in their life narrative, without guilt or grief.
~Christina from Bogotá, Colombia
Love and kindness to all the women who have had abortions or will have abortions. I am a 38 year old male, and I have been married for 16 years now to a lovely woman, and we ourselves have chosen abortion on two different occasions. My wife also had an abortion prior to our relationship, and her trusting me in telling me such a difficult decision in her past only made our relationship stronger. My wife and I have three children, a son who is 15 and two daughters who are 10 and 7. It was the gift of abortion that helped us plan our family and helped us financially prepare for the children that we wanted. Don't ever let anybody take control of what you should do. Do what you believe is the right choice and never doubt yourself with your decision. This comment also appears in the “Our Stories” section.
~A Supporter in Oklahoma, US.
You are a good person, doing the best you can in situations that sometimes seem impossible. Send love and forgiveness to yourself, just as you would to any other woman you care about.
~ Charlotte Taft, Santa Fe, New Mexico
Sending you love and light because your abortions should be no one's concern, but yours. Abortion is safer than childbirth and access to birth control doesn't need to enter this discussion at all. It's your choice to use it, or not. You may have used it and it failed you. You likely haven't spent your entire reproductive years pregnant, so my wish for you is to always love yourself, be good to yourself, and try not to concern yourself with the haters. Being faced with the same decisions, many of them choose abortions too. I see them in my clinic every day.
~ DeShawn from Phoenix, AZ
I have had multiple abortions, all of them for the same reason — I got pregnant accidentally. I recognized early in my life that having and/or raising children was not a path that I wanted to carve out for myself, and that I did not have it in me what it takes to raise a child. I just don't have it. In choosing my life and career, I really had to get to know myself and assess my goals. I always looked at my self-reflection as helping me make the right choices, yet I have been told so many times that having multiple abortions is tied to irresponsibility. For me it's more like, "I made clear decisions about my life and how I would best thrive in it, not only for myself but for those around me and none of those choices involved parenting.” So each time I found myself pregnant, there was only one "responsible" choice for me, and that was abortion. I am the person I am today, better because of my abortions, and I am so grateful for every one of them.
~ Lizz Winstead, New York City, US
People should be able to have as many abortions as they need. Why should there be a limit? People know when it is not the right time to bring forth a child into their lives and I don't see that I should have the right to question them any more than they should be able to question me about my life choices. Abortion is nearly always pondered more than other decisions folks need to make in their lives because it can tap into every part of their life and psyche. It is not taken lightly. Unless we are going to dictate that people can have only one major in college, or marry just once, or have one DUI, we should not disallow more than one abortion. Whether it's because of a relationship issue, a health issue, a birth control failure, an age issue, a family size issue, a job issue, who are we to determine which reasons are acceptable or not?
~ Claire from the US
No woman should be shamed for having an abortion -- or more than one abortion. It is not easy to manage one's fertility! Women should feel free to make the decisions that are best for them. That is the way to a happier, better world.
~Katha Pollitt, New York City, US
Your choice deserves nothing but respect and support. You have it from me; along with many, many others.
~ S. Davis, Colorado, US
This is such a loving, courageous and heroic website. While I have never required an abortion, I support my friends who have needed one. I also support all of the women around the world who have had one or more abortions. Their reasons are none of my business unless they care to share their stories to bring more compassion to this world. We can never truly understand another's challenges but we can accept the choices of our sisters and brothers and hope that our own challenges are met with equal compassion and grace. Yours on the path of light.
~ Cathy, Roswell, Georgia, US
Feel no shame for your choices. Abortion is rarely an easy choice and if it is even an option, it’s usually the right one.
~A friend from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, US
Is it possible to know how many times a man comes inside someone, without asking or being involved in whether his lover has birth control? Is it ever asked? Because if the culture is going to look down on people who've had more than one abortion, we need to scrutinize the number of pregnancies men and others who have sperm helped create. So: No Guilt. No Patronizing. The # of pregnancies is nobody’s business but your own. If you have a uterus, abortion is a normal and natural part of your life--even if you never have one. It's something that is in the realm of possibility for anyone who can get pregnant, and this spans many decades of each person's life. Abortion can be an opportunity to go deep, or an opportunity to stay home and watch trashy TV in bed. It's your experience, do what you want with it!
~Vanessa Norton, Albany, California, US
@NikkiMiles
Whatever decision you make, make it with your whole heart - courageously - and be proud of your ability to discern, research, and make the best choice for you. Ask for help, please. You'd be surprised how many of my friends share that they too have had an abortion but no one talks about it! But if you can't talk about it: write about it, draw about it, dance about it, cook about it, have a fire about it, take a hike about it, do yoga and meditate about it (that's what I do!)... anything that helps bring peace back to you. Know that you are brave and you are loved. With peace and love, xo
~ Danielle Madsen from Barrie, Ontario, Canada
I have only had one abortion, back in the 1960's before it was legal. Medically it went well and I have never had any regrets, but it seemed like a shameful thing and it was a long time before I felt OK talking about it. Abortion is complicated and like sex, which is a prerequisite, it can be wonderful or awful, wanted or unwanted. I now volunteer on an abortion fund hotline so I've heard lots of stories, and sometimes people assume they need to justify their decision. But whatever the circumstances and whatever the reason and regardless of whether it's once or several times, I think abortion is always up to the pregnant person and it's always OK. In fact I think it's a responsible parenting decision. So don't let the stigmatizers shame you!
~ Wendy Robinson from Northampton, Massachusetts, US
You are trusted. You are loved.
~ Megan Donovan from Brunswick, Maryland, US
Over a lifetime, it's common for a woman to experience several unwanted pregnancies. Let's not forget that without using any birth control, most women would get pregnant a dozen or more times over their lives. And of course, access to effective birth control is often lacking, or its use inconsistent because we're all human. So if you have had more than one abortion, you are perfectly normal, as well as brave and strong. I salute you for taking control of your life and protecting your future and your family!
~ Joyce Arthur from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
My opinion of abortion and the people who need them changed drastically when a friend was brave enough to share her story with me. I'm eternally grateful for what that friend shared, and for getting a kick-in-the-ass reminder that the world is a better place when you choose love and compassion over judgment and shame. Whether it is 1 abortion or 100 abortions, you know what is best for you. Seek out the people who love and support you in the life you've created for yourself. There is no shame in knowing what is best for yourself.
~ Mallory, from Somerville, Massachusetts, US
You're doing what you know is best for you and your loved ones. Nobody can ever take that away from you <3
~ Sarah Smith, Maryland, US
Trust yourself. Only you know what is best for you. Acting on that is right and good. Feel supported and affirmed in making your own choices. We trust you!
~ Karen Enns from Hood River, Oregon, US
When I was younger I believed people should only have one abortion. I now realize that's immature and short-sighted thinking. Beyond that, it's not a bit compassionate. The way a person lives their life is their right, and I support that unequivocally. Have multiple abortions; have none; have one. I am here to love you no matter what.
~ Jennifer Ferris from Chapel Hill, North Carolina, US
Thank you for your bravery. Thank you for supporting the women who need it most. I also worked in reproductive health, and I found that unwanted pregnancy often happened at the worst possible time for women — ie after losing a job, a mate, or some other crisis. The last thing women need in these situations is shame. That’s why your words are so important!
~ A friend commenting on our Instagram, US
It's okay to not know how you should feel. It's okay if you're sad. It's okay if you're relieved. it's okay if you're scared. It's okay to question everything. It gets better. It’s okay if you have one because you don’t want to be pregnant. It’s okay to want a child, but not be in a good position. It’s okay to do it because you're scared of being alone. It’s okay to have regrets. It’s okay. It’s all okay <3
~Lauren Lagoutte from Red Deer, Alberta, Canada
I trust you to make the best decision for yourself!
~Cathy from Rockville, Maryland, US
You are the expert of your body and your life. You made the right choice for you. Always remember that abortion is healthcare, how many you have does not change that fact.
~ Emma from Newfoundland and Labrador, Canada
There are so many forces in the world to bring us down. Don’t add to it and bring yourself down with negative feelings; be gentle and loving toward yourself. You are the expert of your body and your life. You made the right choice for you. Always remember that abortion is healthcare. How many you have does not change that fact. And contrary to public opinion, birth control is not perfect (nor are we!) If you get pregnant on birth control, it’s not your fault.
~ Peg from Binghamton, New York, US
I feel like it’s not my business to feel anything about the number of abortions anyone has. I just want everyone to continue to have access to safe and legal abortion whenever they want/need one.
~ Jenna from Grove City, Ohio, US
I was reading through a study based on the 2014 demographic data of those who have had more than 1 abortion — which came to 45% of those who had at least one abortion. I found this interesting: The majority of abortion patients were using contraception at the time of conception, including those obtaining second- and higher-order abortions. I interpret this as those who unintentionally got pregnant after an abortion were more likely to actively try to prevent pregnancy during that time — but contraception failed. So it’s important not to automatically infer that a second abortion is simply due to carelessness.
~ Mike Scheinberg from Alexandria, Virginia, US
Here’s a quote from Leslie J. Reagan's book, When Abortion Was a Crime: "The importance of abortion to poor women in the tenements, from Jews to Italian Catholics, can be seen in Kate Simon's memoirs of growing up in a post-World War I immigrant neighborhood in the Bronx. As an adult, Simon learned of her mother's thirteen abortions, which, her mother informed her, was "by no means the neighborhood record."[75]"
She goes on to say that many women had more than 10 abortions and some more than 20. It was the only way of controlling family size if the husband was not cooperative. Women eventually do what they have to do to protect their families and themselves. Actually abortion was common in all classes of women, even after it was criminalized after 1870.
P.S. I had one abortion
~ Margaret from Chicago, Illinois, US
Knowing the stress that pregnancy can cause folks, I wonder if people who have multiple abortions have the means to avoid pregnancy. And it shocks me that people can manage to afford it. One of my biggest fears around getting pregnant is financial. And I think that immediate reaction comes from a place of judgement with having that stigma against multiple abortions be very present culturally even among many “pro-choice” people. It’s like pro-choice folks often agree that you’re allowed to “make a mistake” or be “careless” once. So you can have one abortion that will be supported. After that you should learn your lesson. That’s bullshit, but I think it’s something I internalized and work to confront. What I BELIEVE is different and is based more on what I know and not stigma and shame stemming from an oppressive society. I believe that folks can have as many abortions as they choose. I hope that someone has the means to prevent pregnancy, and would strongly prefer that people were supported more in pregnancy prevention (no cost birth control options, respectful partners who shoulder the burden of prevention equally, etc.). I always support anyone having any abortion when that’s the pregnant person’s choice, no matter the larger context (say birth control did become free and readily accessible and sex ed was taught well to all people) or the individual context (I.e. no matter what the sexual encounter was like).
~ Frances from Louisville, Kentucky, US
@APeaceOfWerk
I do counseling at an abortion clinic and I see return patients quite often. And it kills me that many of them feel so ashamed they 'had to come back'. You know, it is very common for birth control not to work. And sometimes that's random. So, as randomness goes, it can happen to you multiple times and none to me. I also see patients with health issues that can't take any form of birth control. I see patients that have had to terminate more than one wanted pregnancy due to problems with the fetus. And sure, I see patients that just don't take any precautions and get pregnant and don't want to have children. And they keep coming to our clinic. And that's OK. Because there is nothing wrong with abortion, so it doesn't matter why you have them. And it's stigma from our 'allies' that continues to set us behind. Even many of those who agree abortion should be legal only want you to have one 'in certain circumstances'. Well, screw that. If you catch the flu every year and you refuse to get the vaccine, no doctor will deny you treatment. The difference is that we still see abortion as outside of the healthcare system.
~ Jimena Lopez from Peoria, Illinois, US
It's their business, not ours — unless they choose to share it with us. And then if they do, I generally prefer not to be a judgmental prig, especially since I have had more than one abortion myself.
~ Tamara Edwards from Birmingham, Alabama, US
I remember having a woman that was on her 6th abortion. We treated her the same, and minded our own business. She was super sweet.
~ Sarah McDaniel from Newport News, Virginia, US
May you be safe, in mind, body, and heart.
May you know peace and wisdom in your choices.
May you accept yourself deeply, knowing you are not alone.
May you witness joy and kindness amid the fear and stigma.
~Jacqui Morton from Natick, Massachusetts, US
People should have access to the safe and respectful healthcare that they need. Some people have multiple miscarriages, some have multiple births, some have multiple fertility treatments and some have multiple abortions. They all deserve support.
~Susan Yanow from Cambridge, Massachusetts, US
I’ve heard women who have had one abortion shaming women who have had more than one. That's just plain stupid and hypocritical. I have only had one because I've only needed one. If I ever need a second, I'll have a second.
~ Leah from New Orleans, Louisiana, US
You are stronger and more powerful than you know for taking control of your reproductive life. No one has the right to tell you that your reproductive health choices are wrong. Sending love and understanding to everyone who has had more than one abortion.
~ Dev from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, US
I have never had an abortion but I would in a second were I to get pregnant. Have as many as you need to have. People don't have to stop not wanting children after one terminated pregnancy.
~ LJ S from Cincinnati, Ohio, US
We take risks all the time—driving too fast, eating unhealthy food, not getting medical check-ups. Having unprotected sex is no different, but sometimes there are consequences.
~ Peg from Binghamton, New York, US
Not my business. You do you 😘. I’ve had one abortion and if I were pregnant again I’d be a twofer. It’s~ totally up to the person and what they need.
~ Shana from Raleigh, North Carolina, US
How many procedures a person has is pretty far into not my business territory. I escort because I want to minimize the harassment patients get; the patients make the decisions they need to.
~ Peter from Akron, Ohio, US
It's Choice, not Choice*
*limit one per customer
~Gary from Cary, North Carolina, US
I did some quick math. In her reproductive lifetime, a woman has about 500 menstrual cycles. That's an awful lot of chances for an unintended consequence of sexual contact. I don't care how many times a pregnant person chooses to terminate, although I do feel bad for her about the expenditure of time and dollars.
~ Katy Harrison from Huntsville, Alabama, US
I feel the same about people who have more than one abortion as I feel when I hear someone had more than one cavity drilled. Doesn't affect me so I don't care apart from being glad that they are doing what they need to to take care of themselves.
~ Margot from Queens, New York, US
Birth control is the only thing a person is expected to take perfectly for 30+ years. Nobody complains or threatens not to give treatment when someone breaks their hand more than once, even if it's under circumstances where someone may think the person is being irresponsible or careless. It's how I feel about abortion. Whether you need zero or ten abortions in your lifetime, I think it should be an available, not stigmatized option. I don't think anyone needs to justify having more than one.
~ Anna from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, US
Thank you for generously sharing your story with me, and with the world. Sharing your story means we will one day live in a world where people listen more and judge less. And understand we can't know what's best for everyone in every situation. All we can do is provide love and support
~ Tara from Raleigh, North Carolina, US
I’ve had one abortion. So far. If I ever became pregnant again I’d have another one and it wouldn’t change a thing about me, including my opinion of myself. I extend the same apathy to others.
~ Michelle Davis, US
My daughter has had two abortions, my daughter-in-law one abortion, and a friend two abortions. I have and will always support their choices.
~ Irene Luckett from Colorado Springs, Colorado, US
@MorganHarperNichols
To everyone who has had more than one abortion, you have all my love and respect for taking charge of your life and health despite pressure from society.
~ Roxanne from Cherry Hill, New Jersey, US
I have not had an abortion (although I have had a d&c procedure for something else) and abortion is my choice if my IUD fails. I support anyone who chooses abortion, no matter how many times they choose it, because it's none of my damn business. Abortion on demand and without apology, full stop.
~ Leslie from Indianapolis, Indiana, US
Mostly I think that it isn’t any of my business. I would offer my love and support for 1 or 20 abortions.
~ Christine from Evanston, Illinois, US
Some people can be judgmental about other people's decisions when it comes to reproductive issues. And there can be some extra stigma when we talk about abortion. I know that people need abortions for lots of reasons, and of course I support you for making the right decision for yourself at the time. And I appreciate you telling your story. When people are able to speak up about their experiences, it reduces the stigma and frees other people to tell their stories. Maybe someday we'll all be able to hear each other with understanding and acceptance. Thank you.
~Fausta from Savannah, Georgia, US
It’s Nature’s plan to get us pregnancy every month. When you consider that we have 350 to 400 opportunities in a lifetime to get pregnant — the number of ovulations — then even several abortions are less than a 1% failure rate. So remember that our biology is against us with regard to unintended pregnancies and we have to work hard to overcome our fertility.
~ Peg from Binghamton, New York, US
I work in the area of abortion healthcare and have for many years. Fertility is not always 100% controllable. We can have the best of intentions and take all the steps towards precautions necessary and still become pregnant. If we are not able to control our fertility then we have no control over our lives. Women have more than one abortion if they need to. Having an abortion is not a terrible or bad choice, it can be the best and most loving and responsible choice to make. No judgment, just self compassion and knowing that you are the expert in your own life, that's all! Be kind to yourself always.
~ Brooke Carter from Adelaide, Australia
Abortions are needed more than once because contraception fails sometimes and while it takes two to make a pregnancy, women always hold the bag. They happen because whatever issues led to the first one are still unresolved (say, childhood religious inculcation that makes it hard for a woman to admit she’d having sex and so use contraception). Or because the circumstances surrounding the second procedure are totally different to the first (the first pregnancy was unwanted but the second one was chosen but the hoped for male partner has fled town, become ill or suddenly lost his job). Second abortions happen because a desired pregnancy can be diagnosed with a serious fetal abnormality or because sometimes, shit just happens twice.
Whatever the case, women retain the same right they had the first time which was not to be forced to mother or mother again and deserve exactly the same respect for their choice. It is barbaric to force someone to have a baby to “teach them a lesson,” and research shows that any resulting unwanted child will suffer psychologically and socially for the rest of their lives.
Have an abortion if that’s what your heart says is right. Your judgement is the only one that matters and this worldwide community of women trust and supports you all the way.
~ Dr. Leslie Cannold from Melbourne, Australia
Listen, we aren’t born with a single token that’s good for one abortion each until we’ve used it up and then, too bad, you have to become a parent now!
~Clementine Ford from Melbourne, Australia
از شنیدن این خبر قلبا هم غمگین شدم و هم خوشحال. غمگین از این بابت که دوباره متحمل کلی فشار جسمی و استرس روحی شدی. خوشحال از این بابت که اولا شجاعانه تصمیم گرفتی و دوما با گفتن واقعیت، خودت رو راحت کردی و به آرامش رسیدی. امیدوارم به زودی دیداری داشته باشیم. مراقب خودت باش.
I am both happy and sad for you! I am sad because this issue put a lot of pressure on you (physical and emotional) and you had stressful days. I am happy because you're courageous enough to take this decision and also sharing with others which is a tough burden. Stay strong and take care. Hope to see you soon.
~ Bita from Tehran, Iran
I had an abortion 1 month ago. It was scary, confusing and extremely upsetting. It was a decision that didn't come easy, but I know it really was the right one for me. I think about that decision a lot- I think about if I kept the baby, how my life would have been... but ultimately, I know keeping that baby wouldn't have been fair on either of us. I still would love to be a mum, but this just wasn't my time... sending you all love & support for whatever YOU choose!
~ A friend somewhere out in the world
@StacieSwift