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We had a one and a half year old when we decided to start trying for another baby. When we found out I was pregnant, we were so happy and excited.
But at the 8 week dating scan we were told it was monozygotic diamniotic twins — identical twins that share a placenta. We were in shock but at first we assumed we would somehow make it work. We started planning the new car, how we could move into a bigger place - all the logistics.
As the days passed, we also took the time to research the significantly higher risks of heart defects, cystic fibrosis and other significant health issues for these types of twins.
We discovered that there was a 10% chance we would lose one or both during the pregnancy. We found out that most twins of this kind are born premature, some very premature.
My partner has a serious health condition, and we started to question whether it was right for our family and our existing child to take such a significantly increased risk of serious health issues, and all the potential stress and trauma of pregnancy loss or very pre-term babies.
On top of this, we knew the additional financial, emotional and physical strain on us would be huge. We would need a new car and to move out of our tiny apartment. We might get very little sleep. We worried about the impact on our one year old, too.
We knew that if we had these babies, they would most likely be healthy and become loved children. But we felt a strong sense of responsibility to ourselves and our child as well and we eventually decided the risks of things going wrong were too high for us to bear.
It was the hardest decision of my life. My heart was breaking, but I strongly felt it was the right decision to make.
I had a medical termination at 9 weeks. Now, nearly a year later, I still feel grief, but no regret.
I often think of what our lives could have been like and feel glad that we made the decision we did.
I am pregnant again with another baby and we are happy. I wish I hadn't had to make such a tough decision, but that's part of being a parent. I am so grateful I had access to a safe termination.
Editor’s Note: You can learn more about monozygotic diamniotic twins by clicking here.