This story is published at Shout Your Abortion.
I was 20 years old when I first found out I was pregnant. I had literally just finished my first year of university and was in a new relationship with a great guy (now my fiancé).
When I saw the plus sign on the test I just knew I wasn’t going to go through with the pregnancy.
I had always said I would never have an abortion, but faced with the choice I knew straight away exactly what I wanted to do. My partner was supportive. I was terrified because no-one could come into the clinic with me but the staff were downright amazing.
My 2nd abortion was 5 years later. My boyfriend was just about to leave for a trip of a lifetime to Mongolia and I had just started a new job with great prospects. We had no money, we were renting with one of his friends and had huge debts. Even without all that, we still didn’t feel ready to be parents.
I made my boyfriend go on the trip. I went to the clinic and cried the whole time. I was so annoyed at myself for putting myself through this AGAIN. I felt so dumb and irresponsible.
What’s more, the nurse who did the scan told me I had multiple sacs, meaning there was more than one fetus. I was floored. I had always kinda dreamed about having twins. I cried and I cried because how could we manage two if we knew we couldn’t possibly manage one?
I felt so alone and so ashamed, but I did not regret my decision one bit. I still had the overwhelming feeling that I wanted an abortion.
That didn’t make it any less of a gut wrenching decision. It didn’t make it any easier. It wasn’t an “easy” decision — but it was, in a sense, because my heart and my gut told me what I needed to do as soon as I saw the positive test.
I opted for a surgical procedure. It was scary going under but I felt it would be the least traumatic way of doing it. I didn’t want to bleed for days at home and be in pain. I wanted it over with as quick as possible.
Fast forward another 5 years and me and my then boyfriend are now engaged, we’ve travelled, we bought a van and moved to Europe in it. We have no regrets but we know we would like a family one day and have accepted that what will be will be.
I’m so eternally grateful to have lived in a country where abortion is legal and free. I will fight for it all my life. Your body. Your choice.