This story is published at My Abortion, My Life.
Today I had my third abortion. I’m thirty years young, in a loving and supportive relationship, and I was raised upon the principles that abortion is wrong. I found out two days ago officially but unofficially, I just knew I was. I am not in the place I want to be when I become a mother: emotionally and living wise. At this age you have friends left and right having children and you get to see what they experience and the sacrifices they’ve made for their little ones and I am still way too selfish to make those sacrifices myself.
My first one was the hardest. I was depressed for months about it. I thought I wanted it but I couldn’t even feed myself. The second one was a lot easier for me emotionally. I still cried but when it was over it was over. Today I was 4 weeks and 5 days pregnant and decided to terminate. The only shame I have is towards my parents. I know they would be so heartbroken if they found out, but it’s not about them. As women we are confronted with this and pushed to think we must become mothers when the opportunity arises as if it is always a blessing, but in many circumstances it’s not. Not in today’s economy. My parents were able to buy a home with their very normal almost minimum wage jobs. I went to school and have a career and still cannot afford to buy a home.
This morning I was filled with nerves and now I’m back home with such relief. I was kind of okay the first time and okay the second time and this will be the okay-est for me especially since I was so early in my pregnancy, I can morally deal with myself. I am so grateful that today women have the opportunity to choose when they are ready to make a family. I chose the pill because I have always felt that is the most natural way for a body. I do want children one day. I fantasize about them all the time, but this year is not the time.
~Anonymous