This story is published at Women on Web.

I have a bit of a nihilist/whatever approach to life. I think it's fascinating, but I wouldn't be able to give a good life to a little one as I'm already struggling myself.

First, they gave me one pill to swallow at the clinic with water to stop the fetus from growing. There was another one as well, but it was much smaller. They decided it's ok to proceed as normal. 

They gave me pain killers and the four abortion pills to use after two days (and pills for getting prepared for the IUD). 

I went home. The bleeding already started on the day after that at around 5pm. I had told them I had an adult with me, but in reality he had to go to work and I already knew what to do.

I ate breakfast, took the painkillers, waited for 30min, and put the four pills under my tongue since I was already bleeding. 

My stomach started to feel queasy, I went to the bathroom and threw up. The pills also made me poop and I felt dizzy and the cramps were crazy. 

Then I went under a hot shower, threw up again, and just laid down as comfortably as I could. 

After changing positions for about 40 minutes, I felt much better and the fetus came out. It was clearly at 7 weeks, just like I had been told. 

I was fascinated since this was the first time I saw a real fetus.

My situation involves financial issues, mental health issues, continuing my education, genetic factors, problems with my relationship, and my personal reasons for not wanting a child.

I have only told my partner and my sister. They're supportive, but my partner was embarrassed since he feels like it's his fault I have to go through this again. 

Yes, this has happened before. 

I'm getting an IUD soon.

~ Sonja