This story is published at Shout Your Abortion.
All three of my abortions will be with the same man, who is currently my estranged husband. This is our story:
We started dating about 5 years ago, and instantly got pregnant. I had just gotten out of a serious relationship and had only just met this man. I was a financial and emotional wreck, and decided it was not the time to start a family, especially with someone I hardly knew.
I did a medical or medication abortion in the comfort of my own home. For me it was nice to have the option to be in the privacy of my modest little apartment, to carry out the procedure without the pressure of the public eye.
Fast forward 3 years, my then boyfriend, now husband and I had been married for 3 months, and conceived our beautiful baby boy, planned, and we were ready to parent.
When our son was 8 months old, I fell pregnant again. Not ready, physically, emotionally (postpartum depression hit hard) or financially, we decided the most responsible decision for our family was to terminate the pregnancy.
This, unknowingly, would cause even more stress on an already stressed marriage. I didn’t want to carry out an abortion with my son so close to me, so I decided to have a surgical abortion.
My friends have had good experiences, so I decided that’s what I would do.
For me, this was not a good option. I felt alone, isolated as my husband spent the day with our son. I was shuffled in and out of a not-at-all private waiting area.
At one point I sat in the general waiting area for an hour with an IV in my arm. I saw women bring in their children. I saw partners embrace. I was there, alone, for 7 hours.
This experience was not private enough for me, and I felt a lot of shame and guilt despite the many other women who were there for the same procedure.
Now, I am scheduled for my third (and hopefully last ever) abortion. My son is 16 months. My husband and I are separated and living apart. Despite being intimate with one another, we do not know what the fate of our marriage will be.
This is the second abortion I will have within a year. I decided that for me, medical or medication abortion, is the best choice. When I had carried out this process before, I felt uncomfortable, but for me it wasn’t much worse than my period cramps are, and nothing a heating pad and some ice cream couldn’t soothe.
And when the “labor” pains stopped, after I passed the pregnancy, all of the pain stopped. I bled heavily for a few days, and felt otherwise normal. I hope it will be the same this time around.
To everyone reading, I truly hope my story helps you as so many stories have helped me. These decisions are so personal, and so justified, no matter the reasons or circumstances.