This story is published at Women on Web.
Almost ten months after the birth of our daughter, for the first time we had the opportunity to spend the night just for the two of us, without any pressure and a sleeping child nearby. We were a bit carried away. Under the influence of alcohol (I'm ashamed to admit), my fiancé and I decided to give up the uncomfortable protection, which ended up with two lines on the test.
@NikkiMiles
When my period was about a week late, I tried to dispel my worst thoughts looking for excuses and any other possible reasons for the late period. However, my hunch was right.
First there was crying, and my fiancé assured me that "we'll fix it". However, the longer I got used to this thought, browsing websites on abortion and the development of the child in the following weeks of pregnancy, the more I began to wonder.
After a few days, I was sure that I did not want an abortion. But we talked a lot about it, and time was running out, and the mess we had in life was overwhelming.
Finally, we started talking more and more about abortion methods. After visiting the gynecologist, I felt terrible sadness. For a few more days I was under the illusion that a miracle would happen that would make it possible for me to stop this pregnancy, but nothing happened. And the decision was made to buy tablets. Even if it were legal and open to the public, I would not be able to get surgery.
I ordered the tablets in an online store. Despite many fears, we managed to find an honest seller. I was torn by such contradictory emotions that at times I even hoped that the pills were not original and would not work. But our situation in life was ruthless, and it may have been the only reasonable solution.
We decided to perform the "treatment" outside the home. We left under the pretext of a family weekend. I did my best not to think. On the way I swallowed the first pill - the one that was supposed to start the whole "process". All I knew was that I didn't want it and at the same time I had no other choice.
I spent the rest of the day in bed bleeding profusely and not believing what had happened. In the meantime, my fiancé had an urgent departure and decided not to take his daughter with him because she did not feel like spending a few hours in the car. It was a very hard night.
Of course, I did not pass the compulsory control 2 weeks after the "miscarriage". About this time, my bleeding increased, and on the seventeenth day - irony or luck in misfortune - away again - the topic caught up with me. My fiancé insisted on taking me to the nearest hospital. I had to agree to a curettage procedure.
Probably posting this post at the time I started writing it, I would have added that I would never do it again.
As it turned out in the meantime, although I was always a woman with great temperament, my fiancé sometimes liked to call whores. To make matters worse, he impregnated me again in the first cycle after the abortion.
This time I didn't hesitate for a moment. I already knew that I was in for a new life — so I ordered the pills almost from the machine.
Unfortunately, they were taken on Christmas. I decided to apply vaginally, which turned out to be a much better solution. I performed the procedure at night, so I basically slept through the pain.
Of course, I will probably have another adventure with the hospital again, because it was already 10 weeks, but I am forced to wait, because this method may reveal taking pills during examinations after curettage.
After the second procedure, the biggest pain for me was that I was not able to sacrifice any tears to the second removed child.
If you are hesitating, wondering what to do, remember that it is YOUR life and the decision is yours.