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I am 24 years old, been married for 22 months, and I had an abortion 3 weeks ago with my husband's blessing.
This pregnancy was unplanned, and it came at the worst of times for me. Prior to this I was primarily stuck at home with no job, but once the pandemic restrictions started lifting I was able to get my job back and get my life back to normal. 2 weeks later and I find out that I am pregnant.
I told my husband that I was pregnant, and he had just as much shock and disbelief that I had, but he was happy and was ready on having a family. His happiness made me understand that this was going to happen, that we would have a baby.
I told my mom about my pregnancy, and she was happy, but she could see that I had doubts. My mom asked me the BIG question, "is it something you want?" I don't think I answered that, but we did have a 2 hour conversation about what I want and what's best for me.
7 weeks 5 days and we find out that we are having twins.
Everything changes for me. Now I am having two babies! Now the fear has doubled, and now the work has doubled, and now my life as I knew is doubly gone. I was no longer happy, all I felt was fear on what was to come. I was not ready on having a child, and no way was I ready for two.
I looked online for info on something I barely knew anything about. All-options.org was extremely helpful, and I called their phone line a few times and had some lengthy conversations about me and what I wanted and why I wanted it. I talked with a counselor about keeping the pregnancy, but we also talked about abortion and how I could talk about abortion with my husband.
I told my husband I wasn't ready. I gave him this LIST of things that I still wanted for us and that I still wanted for me. I told him that I don't want to be stuck in the house AGAIN! I don't want to be taking care of two babies when everything else around me is moving on in life.
I am blessed on having a good strong loving husband. He agreed with all of my arguments, but he also felt like we could make it work. He had his own arguments on what we could do on making this work, but I went against most of them. Marriage is so tricky, and this was the ultimate test of trust and respect, but we made it work. It wasn't easy, and it took a week on truly convincing him that this was the right choice, but he eventually supported my decision.
I told my mom that we decided on abortion, and my mom gave me big bear hug. My mom supported this, and my mom agreed that this was the right choice.
June 8th was the day. My mom took me to the clinic, and my husband went out and did some off-roading in the desert per my request.
The buildup to what was coming was the hardest part. I second guessed myself a few times, knowing that I would, but I kept my cool.
I had a surgical abortion at 9 weeks 3 days. I was tense and on the edge of grieving when I first got on the exam table, but I had requested twilight anesthesia and I was calm and relaxed when the drugs kicked in. I focused on breathing thru my nose and out my mouth. I felt some pressure and tugging but the doctor talked me through it. The abortion really wasn't as bad as I imagined it would be, and the pain from the procedure was minimal.
The next day was the disbelief on what I did and the second guessing about why I did it. Did I make the right choice? Should I have kept the pregnancy instead? Why did I abort twins? Shouldn't a twin pregnancy be the ultimate miracle?
I again talked with a counselor at All-Options, and I had my moment of crying. I was reminded on why I chose abortion. My choice on having this abortion was so that I could stay out of the house, enjoy my job, enjoy time with friends, enjoy alone time with my husband, and enjoy the life the way I wanted it.
A few days after my abortion and I found a story on this site titled, "The choice is ultimately mine as it's my body and I am not ready yet." She wrote this story in November, and here I was reading it 7 months later feeling like she was writing it just for me. She says in her story, "Ultimately, the decision against keeping it was led by our own selfishness to continue living our lives carefree for just a little while longer." I felt so much relief from knowing that my reason for abortion was also the same reason for another woman.
I did not want two children running around this house while I tried to figure out what went wrong, and I did not want a family that would be financially insecure with me going out looking for handouts. I did not want to take care of a baby so soon, and I would have gone insane if I was taking care of two babies at the same time.
The ending to my story is going to be one that most people will not understand, but I am going to say it. This unplanned pregnancy could have worked. The pregnancy took place with a loving married couple surrounding it, and it was a pregnancy that was right in every way. We want to have children, but we also agreed before we got married that we would wait 5 years before we had our first child. Part of me acknowledges that having twins could have been a wonderful experience, but I also know that I will have many wonderful experiences over the next few years that never would have happened if I had twins. I have some regrets on my choice, but I also have regrets about many parts of my life.
But I am happy that I had the courage on talking with my husband about abortion, and I am happy that my loving husband agreed with my decision, and I am happy that I had the courage on making that appointment, and I am happy that I did not allow all those second thoughts on keeping me from terminating my unwanted pregnancy, and I am happy that I can have a wonderful 2021 and a 2022 without some babies holding me down.