This story appears at Reddit r/abortion.
I have had three abortions. A medical abortion when I was 18, a surgical two years ago, and my last surgical last week.
I have a long and complicated medical history, much of it centered around my uterus. I've been labelled infertile, been declared fertile again, and caused a lot of confusion. I've been pregnant seven times despite all of this, with one living child, who took me years to conceive and carry. One of my surgicals was technically a D&E as the pregnancy was blighted. Because of my ongoing problems and the insane ability to get pregnant even on several forms of birth control (Each terminated pregnancy happened despite being on the pill, condoms, and/or spermicide), this was my last straw. I'm getting sterilized.
@MorganHarperNichols
My experience with RU486 was traumatic, to say the least. My pain was extreme and I ended up passing out with my face in a trash can, my young partner thinking I had just decided to take a nap. I've since had a completely natural birth and I still think that the medical abortion was far more painful and alarming. In the end, it was okay. I was relieved, and I was happy to no longer be so incredibly sick every day.
I found myself pregnant again in my late twenties. My wedding was coming up, and I was in a stressful situation already with a special needs child on top of it. I went in to Planned Parenthood and found that I had an exceptionally small sac. I knew my dates were correct as I am already in the "pregnancy field" professionally and had spent years helping other women with infertility get pregnant. I am intimately familiar with cycles, including my own, as I monitor them due to my medical issues.
I knew my dates were correct, but we were sent home to wait and see if the pregnancy progressed, as I was not doing a medical abortion again. No way in hell. At my second appointment, little progress was made by way of a sac, and there was no foetal material present. They allowed me to continue with the procedure after a lengthy ultrasound. It was damn near pleasant, compared to my prior experience. Again, I was relieved. It was finished and done, and I could move on with my life instead of walking around waiting for a miscarriage to begin.
This time was more difficult. My partner and I were in talks about whether or not we wanted children together at all. I had an appointment for a consult on an IUD (we weren’t sure if it was an option due to medical issues, but I wanted something more reliable than just condoms and spermicide due to paranoia) as we were leaning heavily on the "no kids" side.
I got a positive test before I even got there. We were terrified. For a few days we had decided to keep it, but then almost simultaneously flipped the fuck out and decided this isn’t what we wanted.
I have put my career on hold taking care of my son, and I was just about to finally go back to school and do something for myself. I knew I would be killing that version of myself if we had a baby. I already deal with disabilities, and if I was completely honest with myself, I KNEW I would not become that person. The idea of never living for myself and just dealing with perpetual poverty was incredibly depressing. So in I went again.
PP has been amazing. They talked with me extensively about my health and spent a ton of time talking with me. They took care of me. I spoke with other patients this time, heard their stories. We understood each other, this small group of strangers from different walks of life. The nurses and my doctor took the time to get to know me, and were incredibly kind.
But there is no overwhelming sense of relief for me. Not this time. My decision was absolutely the right one for me and my family's future, and I am incredibly thankful that this option was available to me. I am not racked with guilt and I am not remorseful, just kind of unhappy that I had to go through it at all. Hence the decision to be sterilized. We made our decision to not have children together, and just live our lives with the three of us and concentrate on that. And that sounds wonderful.
Thank you for reading.