The following transcript shares a few brief parts of an episode of the podcast Australian Abortion Stories. The full episode is titled Lori's Story | Motherhood, Two Abortions, Surgical Abortion, Contraception (SA) and can be found here at this link. The complete interview is rich with truth and nuance and we encourage you to listen and share.
. . . We went to the chemist and got a test. We thought — haha — we’re not going to be pregnant. I just remember peeing on the stick and being like, f*ck.
And so we talked about it at length. He has a daughter, I have three children, and we’d only been seeing each other for about 6 months at that stage.
And I think that even though we both knew that we were each others’ people, it was still a really big risk to take, especially when you have other children to consider.
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So from our perspective it was very much a matter of, you know — I already have three people, and you already have one person, and how exactly is this going to be the best decision for them if we go ahead with it?
It was very much a decision that didn’t come down to whatever little entity that had been conceived. It was very much about the ones that were already existing and how it was going to impact their lives.
I was still living in the family home with my ex-husband. We were co-parenting. Even though we had been separated for quite awhile, we hadn’t publicized it to the wider family and community.
We were thinking of the complexities for my children and the things they were already navigating.
And I thought, I just don’t want to be drawn back into a life of having a baby on my breast and having to change nappies and sleepless nights. I am finally in this place where I am rediscovering who I am as a woman and I just can’t get back in that cycle . . .
. . . After this process that we had been through together, he decided that even though he only had one child, that was enough for him. In order for him to be the best person he could be, to be there for his daughter, he wouldn’t have more children.
So I thought, I am not going to go on any pharmaceutical rubbish when he’s going to get a vasectomy. It will be fine.
I think this was just prior to Christmas. My period had come back just short of two months after my abortion and then it didn’t come again.
And I was like, my period’s late. I don’t know what’s going on with this. So I didn’t stress about it.
About a week after it still hadn’t come. I could just feel my boobs were getting just a tiny bit tender and I was just like — No. No. This can’t happen again.
My partner was like, get in the car, let’s go to the chemist, and so we did. I peed on a stick and I was pregnant again and I just, in that moment when I saw that line, I just was so unbelievably horrified.
I felt sick to my stomach and so so ashamed of myself for being so careless, even though I wasn’t careless and we were using condoms and were so careful . . .
. . . I think that ultimately I just completely shut down. Up until that point where I had first gotten pregnant, I had never ever ever believed that I would be capable of going through a termination. I have always been pro-choice, but I have always been so sure that for me it was never an option that I could take.
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