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I've had three abortions. I always wanted kids. I assumed I'd have several, I was excited to be a mom! But I was not going to force my children into the kind of chaos I'd grown up in.
My first abortion was at 16. That one's kinda self-explanatory, except for the guilt. My mother's friends were trying to conceive. The idea was batted around that I have the child and they adopt it. I was glad when they didn't push back at my final decision. I don't think I could have withstood the pressure.
My second abortion was at 30. I was in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship. But because I still didn't know better, I wanted to marry him. He already had a child with another woman and I saw how he was absent from her life. When I told him I was pregnant he screamed at me for two hours as I cowered on the couch. I had an abortion, the relief was palpable.
My third abortion was only a few years later, in a new relationship with a good guy. He was a hard no and I just wasn't going to have and raise a child by myself that the child's father didn't want. That was the hardest one. But it was still the right choice. I wanted my child to be wanted and loved and at least start its life with a stable home.
While I muse at what it would have been like to have carried any of these pregnancies to term, I know I made the right choice every single time. And I know that I'm privileged to have had those choices.
I won't have children, I had a hysterectomy a few years ago. That makes me sad, but there is no regret.