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To find a page devoted to twin abortion stories is something I never thought I would see. I have always had this feeling of duct tape over my mouth to keep me from saying anything. But here I am now, but where do I start?
My husband and I were celebrating 10 years of marriage, and we already had two boys but I wanted one more baby before I was done for good. I got off birth control and we abstained from sex for 30 days and a month later we miraculously found ourselves with our third pregnancy.
We had an ultrasound appointment that I had to cancel twice due to not being able to get our time off together, but we finally got that ultrasound, and we looked at the screen and we could see two of them. I was already 9 weeks pregnant.
The talk that we had that night was all about finances. We still lived in a 2-bedroom apartment which was going to be a problem, we had two vehicles but neither of them could fit 6, and the costs of raising two more children was two times more than what we were prepared for.
We had such a big talk about finances that we never even talked about me, and the reason why I didn't come up was because we weren't thinking abortion at this time. It was the next night when we understood that I would be stuck at home for a while, that I wouldn't be working, that my body and my health would be affected, and that a natural child birth wouldn't happen.
What happened the next day is something I will never be able to explain. I was at Walgreens with my 8-year-old, walking back out to my car, and I noticed a Planned Parenthood down the block. It's always been there, but it's the first time I ever noticed it. I looked at that building for a minute or two with my son waiting in the car for me, and I felt guilty for thinking what I was thinking. That night I told my husband what I accidentally noticed that day, and we didn't say another word and we went to bed.
Next day and we got together for lunch, just the two of us, and my husband told me he would support whatever choice I made. I asked him if he was comfortable with the idea, and he said yes. It was a 15 minute talk that was highly emotional for the both of us, but this talk was full of love and support and relief.
Planned Parenthood didn't have an appointment available for another 8 days, but they were nice enough to give me the number to a place called The Womens Center. I called them, and they could get me in on Wednesday, and that was only 5 days away.
Those next five days were hell on earth. I wasn't getting any sleep, I wasn't eating right, I wasn't giving any real attention to my two boys, and I wasn't ready for this. I had booked a surgical abortion all because we had a twin pregnancy.
And this was a secret from everybody else, nobody knew about this, and I had nobody to talk to about this. My husband gave me space but also gave me support, and I know it was hard for him on deciding how he should help me through this, but I can tell you that he did a wonderful job on keeping me going.
On Wednesday my boys went to school and my husband and I took a 20 minute drive so that I could get an abortion. You could hear a pin drop in that vehicle, we were that quiet. When we arrived there were three protesters, they were all looking at us wondering if I was going to walk in, and my husband offered to walk me to the door but I said no. I wanted him to drop me off and leave and come back when I called him. The protesters yelled at me, the one lady yelling that she regretted her abortion.
I don't want to write about what it was like having the abortion. The staff were wonderful, they did what I wanted, and that is all I can say. I will say that what hurt the most was having my wedding ring on. It didn't feel right to be married and to have an abortion. I know it's a normal thing for married women and mothers to have abortions, but for me I would have felt better making the staff think I was a single woman who was pregnant with some guy's baby.
I did see a therapist for about five months, and it took me two of those months before I told her that I had a twin abortion. I had tears, and I was hurting, but I felt so relived to be able to talk about it. My therapist helped me out in the greatest of ways, and she convinced me that what my husband and I did was the best choice we could have made. I had to be reminded that we were going to be in a big financial burden if we kept the pregnancy, and I had to remind myself the dozens of reasons why we chose abortion.
My husband and I conceived our third child a few weeks prior to ending my sessions with the therapist, and by this time I was physically and mentally ready on having this pregnancy. Thankfully it was single fetus, and I was relieved when I looked at that ultrasound to see only one!
Fast forward to August 11, 2021. We have been married for 16 years. I am 36 years old, and our boys are 14, 11 and 4.
I don't regret what we did, but I will always remember this. I do sometimes regret conceiving my third son only 8 months after the abortion, I do sometimes wish I waited a little longer. Sometimes he feels like a replacement of what could have been. I do my best on believing that my third pregnancy was a miscarriage, that does sometimes help.
We did move out of the apartment and moved into our new home. That is something that never would have happened if I didn't have the abortion. We are also really good financially, and I do think sometimes on where we would be if that abortion never did happen. It would be drastically different, and I am sure I would have had regrets. My three boys have a good life and we all take good care of each other, and it does help not having another child to take care of.
And rereading this and I can't believe I wrote all this out.
I don't know if anybody will read this, but I want to tell you that I am happy with the life I have and the life I have given my three boys. I might sound negative with some of what I said, but I don't doubt for a moment that abortion gave us this wonderful healthy loving family.