“The most challenging part about it has been the stigma. When I opened up to my close friends about it, they couldn’t believe that I had had abortions because I am an exemplary mother — this created a dialogue that was very much needed to shift perspectives. I believe it’s important to talk about it openly so people don’t bash others or shame themselves for doing what is best for them, like I did for years.”
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“Unfortunately this has happened through a second unwanted pregnancy- rather than conscious thought about it beforehand! I have a chronic illness and mental health issues. Even if I did really want it, I don’t think I’d cope well. My belief is that people should ONLY have a child because they REALLY want it, and are prepared to make the enormous sacrifices it involves. No-one should have a child because it’s the expectation of society, their family or friends, or because they “don’t want to be lonely.” That is what I call selfish, not deciding to be child-free because you know you couldn’t provide for their needs.”
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I found out I was pregnant with my IUD correctly in place. When the doctor did a uterine biopsy to ensure it wasn't an ectopic pregnancy, the fetus did not dislodge as it should have, and stayed firmly in place after the doctor removed my IUD a week later. I was devastated. I did not want this pregnancy but in addition I felt such guilt for having put the fetus through so much useless stress. I had a copper IUD put in place after my first abortion a year ago. I had promised myself I would never put myself in the situation of having to terminate for non-medical reasons again, but here I was, again, despite having done everything I was supposed to do to prevent it.”
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“Despite being on the pill, I found myself pregnant again. And this time I had no idea how to feel. On the one hand, I still desperately wanted children. On the other hand, in my heart of hearts I knew that this was not a healthy relationship. Was it fair to bring a child into this? What if Andrew treated them like he treated me?”
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“I became a mother to a beautiful baby girl and a wife to a monster. I tried to offer him a life that I thought would make him want to change. Big shock – it doesn’t work that way. As the abuse escalated after her birth, when she was 9 months old I found the courage and support to leave. He raped me the last night we spent under the same roof and about a month later I found out I was pregnant. “
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"I wait for Friday to abort so that I don't miss any days of work," said Volatiana, who works as a maid. "Over the weekend I continue drinking the infusions and massaging my stomach," she said, wincing at the memories. "When I'm about to abort I ask [my 6] children to play outside."
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“Como mujer que ha tenido varios abortos, quiero decir que el embarazo no deseado y el aborto en espacios de ilegalidad, desinformación y fundamentalismos religiosos se convierten en una realidad dolorosa, peligrosa e incluso letal para las mujeres. Somos maltratadas, traficadas, abusadas en nuestro dolor, desesperación e ignorancia. Esa es la realidad que me tocó vivír cuando tenía entre 25 años y 27 años, respirando impotencia e indignación de vivir en una sociedad con autoridades y leyes de espaldas de nuestras realidades.”
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“I never even told one of the guys I was pregnant. I just got an abortion and kept it moving. He already had five kids of his own. I definitely should have been on birth control with a baby maker like that. The other guy; well I was seventeen and he was cheating on his girlfriend with me. That speaks volumes on its own.”
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“The abortion was a quick, painful experience and I remember being angry to see that my boyfriend had left the waiting room to go to McDonald's while I was having the abortion. It was raining that day and we drove to a house of a friend and I chilled out for the day. I felt angry at my boyfriend for not having to suffer. I felt sad but not exactly because of the loss of pregnancy. In retrospect, the fact that the experience was unprepared for, unprocessed, and unsupported made it so much harder than it needed to be.”
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“My second son was only a few months old when I discovered that I was pregnant for the fifth time despite breastfeeding. We felt that it would be too great a drain on my body’s resources so try to raise one infant while growing another, so, abortion number three. This one I was very sad about, but I felt like I would have been cheating my infant son, like I wouldn’t have been able to provide enough nutrients to him or the fetus, that one or both of them would suffer a deficiency.”
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“When we had sex, he 'didn't allow me' to use diaphragm, spermicide or condoms (nor did I ever like the idea of using The Pill). So I'd 'relent', and we typically had sex using no birth control at all, even though it greatly concerned me.”
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“By the time I turned 18 I had met someone new at my job. We fell madly in love very quickly. It was a blossoming work romance and I was incredibly happy. We used condoms religiously, never skipped it, not once. However, three months into our very new, very loving relationship, one condom broke. That’s all it took, that one time, that one condom. I was pregnant.”
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“After I had my daughter I made the decision to have an IUD placed for birth control. At 22, 6 months away from graduating from college, I became pregnant. I was in a long term relationship, however, I knew that I did not want bring another child into the world. I was barely making it as it was, raising a child on my own, going to school, it was an incredibly difficult time. When I went to for my initial appointment, the nurse was completely shocked that I had gotten pregnant while having an IUD in place.”
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“As the confirmation came in that I was indeed pregnant, my husband and I decided that it would be best to end it. I was in school, he was working like crazy, we could barely afford our son. Having another child I believe would have been a death sentence for our ability to move up in life and provide for a child we already had.”
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“I can tell you that I was too young to be a parent when I got pregnant for the first time during my freshman year of college. I can tell you that I had severe postpartum depression after the birth of my first child, and had very real reasons to think that giving birth to any additional children would do serious damage to my mental health, as well as damage to my marriage and to my ability to parent the child I already had.”
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“After I had my first child I found out I was pregnant when she was six months old. I decided that I could not take on another child when I had an infant. So I decided to have an abortion. The experience in itself was life changing. Then in 2013, the same situation. I just had a baby girl and a couple of months later I found out I was pregnant. The third abortion, we hit some financial strains. It appeared to be twins and I knew I couldn’t have two, there was just no way.”
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“The nurse took my hand and told me this and I'll never forget exactly: " I'm right here for you. Hold my hand and squeeze as tight as you need to if you feel anything." Then we had a conversation about school, and by the time we started we were finished. We didn’t get to talk at all. I got up and put my shorts on and she sent me to another well-lit room with a little tea and chocolate. I stayed there for about 30 minutes and called my boyfriend. He came and we went back to life.” Click the green title to read more.
“It was emotionally traumatic trying to reconcile loving a man yet knowing not having his child is for the best. I didn't regret it for a second though. I always knew I was grateful for the access only a 2-hour drive into the big city provided. I'm from a rigid Christian upbringing and everything in me knows I made the right decision. No amount of guilt or shame stops me from knowing deep down my path is for a purpose.”
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“To this day, I think of the children I could have had. Would they have been boys? Girls? One of each? If I had had them, one would be going on 7 and the other would be going on 2 months. But I don’t look back at my decision with regret. I am so happy I was able to choose and I am so happy that when I decide to have children, that they will be wanted.”
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“I've had to travel abroad each time to have abortions. Making the ordeal expensive and horribly inconvenient. I've never doubted or regretted my decision to terminate. But the limited access, financial burden and of course the stress of the situation — keeping secrets from family and work, lying to avoid judgement from others, the procedure itself — is exhausting.”
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