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I had two abortion and I’m currently 23 years old. I grew up without a father and I wanted my kids to experience the love and affection I didn’t get from a broken family, and I didn’t see a loving father for neither of the two abortions I had.
I had my first abortion when I was 20. When I first found out I was pregnant I was in a total shock and I remember shaking so bad to the point that the doctor thought I was having a seizure.
Me and my then boyfriend were not in a good place at the time . We were only three months into the relationship and he had already cheated on me.
I knew I deserved better but I was so blinded by the love I had for him that I couldn’t see he didn’t love me or that I deserved better.
He intentionally impregnated me because two-three weeks before I got pregnant he mentioned that he wanted a baby from me, but I didn’t think he was gonna go for it because he knew my plans. I made an appointment to get on birth control and I found out I was pregnant before I could go to my appointment.
I was pro-choice, but if I was to ever get pregnant I told myself I’d always keep it. However, it’s easier said than done, especially when I know in my heart I can’t give my baby the life it deserves.
I first decided to keep it after agreeing with my then boyfriend. However he kept doubting himself and I was in no right mind to have a single bit of doubting from the other side.
He wanted me to abort but he would never say the word. He told me that he wanted me to have an abortion in the worst way anyone can which is through mind games. His words and actions didn’t match.
He was absent and left me all alone to make the decisions. I realized that he actually doesn’t want a baby with me and I decided to have an abortion at 8 weeks and 5 days. It took me one month exactly to make that decision.
I broke things off with my then boyfriend after I realized that he wasn’t the one for me, but I was left devastated over what had happened.
Fast forward to a year and a half later when I met my second boyfriend at the time whom adored me and treated me well before the pregnancy.
My second abortion is what really ate me alive as I prayed and cried for God to bless me with a child. Due to the guilt that I had from my first abortion, my body craved what it once had and took away from it in a matter of time.
I wanted a baby but deep down I knew I wasn’t ready, however I was in a healthy relationship, or so I thought.
My then boyfriend was so eager for a baby as well, so we tried so many times and I finally got pregnant at 22. His personality changed up real quick and he became abusive physically, emotionally and mentally.
I couldn’t believe what was going on as I gave everything up and even moved states for his convenience. He became overly possessive, bossy and even once told me he is with me so that I could serve him in the sense of doing dishes, washing his clothes and such that a women is ‘supposed’ to do.
I was devastated and I wanted to keep this pregnancy because I cried and begged for it. I was so guilty to even think of aborting it. However things got out of hand and he physically abused me and punched me in my head multiple times until I almost fainted.
Mind you I used to get sick constantly. Even the smell of perfume would make me throw up, however he thought I was lying about it. The last time he laid his hand on me was the last time I saw him.
I got a flight ticket back to my family that same night without him knowing. Then once he found out he called my whole family and told them what was going on.
He called me and told me to get rid of it because he didn’t want to have a baby from me and he didn’t want the baby to called by his name.
I told him me and the baby don’t need anything from him and I blocked him off from everything.
My intentions were pure and I was planning on keeping the baby, however I knew I would never give this baby the life that I knew any child should get, which is a happy family that is wanted from both parents.
I ended up terminating the second baby as well and I made a promise with myself that I’d never make any promises.
Both of my babies were unfortunate enough because of my taste in men or maybe it’s my luck. I do and don’t regret my decision to terminate because I made the best decisions I could’ve made as a 20/22 years old woman who has nothing to offer at the moment.
However, I deeply regret my abilities to see the good in people and not seeing the hidden truth. Ladies please be careful who you date and plan to have a future with as some can be so disguised of their true selves until they get what they want.
Believe in yourself and know that the ending result is what is meant to happen and don’t fight with yourself. Give yourself some love and appreciation because going through abortion is no joke and requires a person so strong!